A few weeks ago, I realized that I’ve had it backwards all this time. I thought that life would add layers to me, accessorize me, clothe me with new experiences. I thought that I’d eventually be dressed up, decorated, impressive and elegant.
Instead, I find out that life is more about stripping me one layer at a time. I thought that I was naked when I was born, but in some ways, I feel more naked now than ever before. I’m not exactly thrilled with the process of having relationships and ideas and beliefs yanked out of my grip and off my shoulders. I yelp, “HEY, THAT IS MINE!” but apparently it wasn’t at all.
In the beginning, as a child, my entire world was the loopy neighborhood of Whispering Firs. The boundaries were so certain, life was so predictable–we always had boiled potatoes, never baked, never mashed. I knew my parents, I knew my siblings, I knew I would get good grades in school and that I was good at drawing puppies.
To be enrobed in that simple, suburban childhood world was to be safe.
Except–as I see now–to be swathed in simplicity is to be a child. And it’s not real. When you grow up, when you become more of yourself, you end up shivering without the cloak you expected. Nothing you touch is as it seems–it’s not cashmere but rags–and letting it go makes more sense than wrapping yourself up like a mummy.
And so, I find myself with less protection and fewer absolutes. Some convictions are sharper, some disintegrated; some ideas turned out to be wrong, some expectations impossible.
I am shaken, but not broken.
And I still believe two things:
God is good.
The truth sets us free.
Actual Unretouched Photo 
I wrote a rather cryptic entry like this not long ago. I needed prayer then and I feel this is saying you need the same thing. So, my bloggy friend…I am praying for you. Whatever is troubling you, like all things, will pass. “Cast your cares upon Him for He careth for you.” I know we don’t know each other face to face, but if you need to ‘talk’ to someone, I’m here and I’m totally trustworthy. Bless you.
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Sounds like a storm is on the horizon. I’ll be thinking of you.
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It has been awhile!
You have done an amazing job of sharing the depth, without the detail.
I am glad you are not broken, but it sounds like a pretty big band aid might be in order. (((hugs)))
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so well put and so true!!! God IS good!!! ALWAYS! so glad you aren’t broken, shaken can teach you a lot!!! hugs and prayers! e-mail me if you need to!!! take care!!
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beautiful
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Thank you for your reflective writing once again.
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I wholeheartedly agree. So many shades of gray…I kind of miss the black and white of my childhood. Praying for you.
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This speaks to my heart. Often, I can’t wrap my mind around what’s going on inside me, impossible to put it into words as you so eloquently do. But, my heart is saying, “She gets it!”
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this is profound, mel. as always.
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Mel,
Hope you’re ok.
One foot in front of the other.
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Mel,
Something happened to the blog feed on my blog. It has been stuck on this post until today.
I thought you were in the middle of a tragedy.
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Yes, I relate to your thoughts here. I think Someone is trying to kill us!!
A scripture comes to mind: “I must decrease, and He must increase.”
Love your writing,
Blessings
Amanda
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