Occasionally, I confront the reality that my future is limited. You know when you’re young and you think you can be anything at all? Doctor? Ballerina? Rocket Scientist?
I know better now.
Boy, do I know better now.
I can never, ever, ever be a driving teacher. Ever. Never.
One of my children has begun learning to drive. He’s paid for three driving lessons, a total of six hours of instruction. But, of course, he has to practice. Which is where I come in.
I believe that during every drive he’s made with me in the passenger seat he’s considered murdering me. That is scary because it would be super easy to kill me by swerving into oncoming traffic, especially when turning left. Actually, the easier, muss-free way to kill me would be to just GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK! THE LIGHT IS RED! STOP STOP STOP STOP!
Listen. Under the best of circumstances, I am a horrible passenger. I readily admit this. My husband has been driving since he was sixteen years old and has never had an accident. And yet, when I’m riding with him, I assume that he will crash into any car we happen to be following. I know this is a personality flaw of mine. I lack trust and possibly accurate depth perception. But I can’t help it. I’m a nervous nelly when someone else is driving. I expect to die. To crash and then die. But mostly to crash.
And so, this is a particular problem when a jumpy new driver is behind the wheel. Today he scolded me for my tone of voice but in my defense, the light was red and we did not seem to be respecting that particular law of physics which insists that an object in motion stays in motion unless the BRAKE IS APPLIED.
Seriously. I might not survive this part of motherhood.
So if you could all stay off the roads for the next year or two, I’d appreciate it very much.
(I thought about making a sign for the back of the minivan that would say “STUDENT DRIVER * TERRIFIED MOTHER” but I am pretty sure my son would not be amused.)
*Newton’s first law of motion: An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.