A million light years ago when I was twenty, I used to sing a song with these words:
Make me a servant, humble and meek,
Lord, let me lift up those who are weak,
And may the prayer of my heart always be,
Make me a servant, make me a servant, make me a servant today.
(Song by Kelly Willard)
As it turns out, I had no idea what I was singing. I meant it, but decades ago, before I had children and a husband and a dog who will tear up three brand new boxes of tissues if you leave them on the kitchen counter after carrying in the bags from Walmart, I had no idea. What I had, way back in the olden days, was a dorm room and a bunch of classes and a roommate who was so neat and tidy that she kept her hot rollers in the original box when she wasn’t using them.
I volunteered my time, of course, for various charitable causes. I spent my Spring Breaks riding in vans to work in inner-city churches, helping as much as a middle-class white girl can. During summers, I stacked chairs and followed orders and one summer, worked as a nanny for a stay-at-home doctor’s wife who had four children.
I thought I had experienced servant-hood and it wasn’t all that hard, so singing that song was a pretty way to express my ardent devotion to God.
But now?
Now I hear myself saying things like, “What am I? The slave around here?” and “I am not your servant girl!” and “Why am I the ONLY ONE who does ANYTHING AROUND HERE?”
I hear myself.
I know that my life is blessed. I know that I am among the world’s richest. I have running water and modern amenities that so many people around the world can’t even imagine. My kids are healthy. My husband is funny and calm and an all around awesome guy. I really have nothing to complain about.
My heart is kind of whiny, though.
My heart is not a servant’s heart.
And I’m afraid to sing that song because what does it really mean for me to be a servant?
Actual Unretouched Photo 
That’s why He has to “make” us a servant. It’s not our natural desire to really serve like a servant! We like to serve when it’s convenient, it’s our choice, when we feel good, and for a certain amount of time and when it’s appreciated. When God “makes us a servant” all of the above is out!
LikeLike
Our words were always so far ahead of our knowledge. I say a lot less than I used to.
LikeLike
I need that attitude for sure. This has been a difficult week for me. My wash machine is on the fritz so after going to town and putting the wash & coins, into the machines, I had 24 minutes to walk-a-bout. So over to the local pharmacy I went. There in a book display, an Amish paperback caught my eye… ‘Amish Peace.’ I opened it to the chapter on forgiveness. After what I had been through this past week… it was like God himself speaking to me! I have been married for over 40 years and have made many mistakes. My husband is a wonderful man, but has a problem with forgiveness. Mostly not forgiving me for some of the dumb things I have done in the past. Whenever we have a little misunderstanding, he brings up the bad past and won’t let it go. It’s like a knife inserted and twisted into my heart. He can stay angry with me for days at a time… this is very hard on me. I came home from the laundromat and did an internet search on the above book, and your blog appeared. I ordered the book on ebay. I plan on reading it myself and leaving it on our end table for him to read. We have several Amish friends that we hang out with… and we really enjoy their company… I am hoping that their loving spirit will rub off on my hubby. Prayers are appreciated. I have tried to have a servant’s heart. It is indeed difficult.
LikeLike