As Good As It Gets

I woke up at 8 a.m. from the strangest dream. We’d moved to Michigan and were living in a large, rectangular, two-story farmhouse. In the dream, I was adamant about moving furniture downstairs from usptairs and at one point, I was insistent that the bedroom furniture be placed on the front lawn, in the lacy shadows of a large tree.

Then, I saw the view from the upstairs bedroom window–Mt. Hood! (Which, of course, is located in Oregon, not Michigan. But no matter. It was a dream.) However, things took a strange turn when I was suddenly having an ultrasound done to see if I was, indeed, pregnant. And not just any ultrasound. No sir-eee-bob. I had to walk from the waiting room to the ultrasound area naked.

Thank God my husband said, “Hey, do you hear the baby? She’s awake.”

My husband worked again today until 4 p.m. I cannot actually remember the last day he took off from work. I think it was at Christmas. While he was gone, the most remarkable thing happened. Babygirl took another nap in her crib. She nursed, sat up and pointed to her crib. I said, “You want to lay down in your bed?” She nodded. She actually slept about two hours. I read a chapter in a book, listening for her to cry out. When she didn’t, I went downstairs and cleaned up the kitchen. My basic cleaning turned into Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder cleaning in which I picked out color crayons from the baskets and discarded them based on how dull their point was. I banished all the “RoseArt” crayons, too. I threw away an old lipstick I found in the kitchen counter basket which collects all manner of flotsam. I tossed an errant lego, a choke-chain for the dog we no longer have, two dried up glue-sticks and more.

Then I decluttered the “junk” cupboard which overflowed with tape dispensers (Costco sold tape in packs of 8), combs, paint brushes, post-it notes, nail clippers, pens and yes, more. Stuff, junk, do-dads. I have no shortage of clutter around here. Part of it is my fault–I save it if I think it has value, even if that value won’t occur for ten more years. And then there are the kids who have vast stores of treasures, which cannot seem to stay put. I find Pokemon cards and plain-old playing cards and legos and balloons and tinkertoys and papers and books and dirty socks everywhere. My husband would like nothing more than to live in a home decorated in Early Dorm Room, so the baggage that comes with a family of boys and a baby assaults his senses.

When I finished throwing things away, I turned my attention to my sooty kitchen window. The candles purchased at Christmas-time smell great and leave a filmy coat of gray on the window frame and window. I washed the white paint, scrubbed the window and shook out the valance.

Puttering takes so much time and before I knew it, the baby was awake again. How satisfying, though to see my streamlined cupboards and baskets and unsooty window.

I told the boys we were going for a walk to 7-11 to buy Slurpees. They cooperated quickly and we were off, Babygirl in her stroller, Youngestboy by my side, chatting the whole way, TwinBoyA on a scooter and TwinBoyB on his bike. When I told my husband later, he exclaimed that such an outing was too dangerous! He’s Mr. Caution. I told Mr. Caution that the road is wide and there is a bike path and we were perfectly safe walking half a mile each way. The skies were mostly sunny and the temperatures were in the mid-forties and it almost felt like spring.

Tonight, Babygirl went to sleep at 7:15 p.m. For the fourth night in a row, she pointed to her bed and when I asked if she wanted to lay down, she nodded. I love having a nodding baby. Even if she doesn’t mean to say yes, but nods, it makes me feel like she is so agreeable.

I left the house at 8 p.m. and spent two satisfying hours at Barnes and Noble. I had a gift card to spend, but I wanted to spend it wisely. I bought four books: Sue Monk Kidd’s “The Secret Life of Bees”, a book about keeping a journal called “Leaving a Trace”, a funny book to send my friend, Diane, for her birthday, and Elizabeth Berg’s “Never Change.” My stack of books to read gets higher and higher and probably one day it will collapse and render me senseless. Maybe even paralyze me, which will be okay if I’m not blinded. Then I will be helpless, but still able to read.

I can always hope.

Beauty Sleeping!

Well, miracles never cease.

I have moaned and belly-ached and griped and complained and whined about my baby’s lack of naps. She quit napping sometime last October, when she was just a little more than a year old. This was not at all okay with me, but what could I do? I could not bear to plop her into her crib and let her scream for an hour, so I went with the flow. I adjusted my expectations and decided to just enjoy nursing her and holding her while she napped for thirty minutes each day.

Today, I nursed her, as usual, in the gliding rocker in her room. After a few minutes, she sat up and pointed to her crib. I said, “You want to lay in your bed?” She nodded. I said, “Okay,” and put her in her bed. She laid down and I covered her up with her afghans. Without a pause, I walked out and closed the door, fully expecting to hear her protests.

But no. She napped! She napped for a full hour in her crib. I read a chapter in a book, read a message board, wasted time. I really did not know what to do with myself, but I didn’t want to make a noise or do something to jinx this miracle (like starting a project that required a measure of time to complete).

Tonight was the third night in a row that I’ve put her to bed fully awake. Each night she has gone to sleep without another sound.

A baby finally figuring out how to sleep well on her own is a miracle in its own way. After all those weeks and months of staggering through the day in a sleep-deprived haze, I sleep again.

Now, if I could just get my husband to stop snoring, I’d be all set.

Is There A Doctor in the House?

Babygirl is better. She even took a rare nap in her actual crib today! She has not done that since October. (The naps on Sunday were all in my arms, which hardly counts as a real nap in my book.) And the reason I even attempted to put her in her crib? Well, I was upstairs, half-dozing, half-watching television at 1:30 p.m. while Babygirl slept in my arms. She looked so sweet, mussed hair and one arm flung over her head. Then I hear, “MOM!” I think, what? was that the television?. Then again, but louder, “MEL! MEL!! MOM!!”

The sound of my five year old, calling from downstairs. I couldn’t figure out what would cause him to just holler from downstairs when he normally just opens the door and speaks to me in an unintelligible, hushed whisper. He didn’t sound panicked, just persistent. After five minutes, I figured I’d take my chances and put the baby in the crib. To my utter amazement, she snuggled down and kept sleeping.

And what was Youngestboy’s emergency? Well, there was a spider in the living room and he was afraid to walk past it because he thought it might “get” him. This is my kid who used to smack spiders with shoes to kill them when he was two. (We have spiders approximately the size of a small mouse here in Washington State.)

Why is YoungestBoy even home today? Well, he has the sore throat that Babygirl had yesterday. Poor baby only nursed twice–once in the morning, once at night. Today she’s much better, but poor Youngestboy has the virus. Yesterday morning he complained about being cold. I sent him to school, but told him to call if he felt bad. When he came home after school, he burst into tears saying his head hurt. I gave him ibuprofen and he napped for an hour or so. Last night, he threw up once and then this morning he woke up with a very sore throat.

This is exactly what DaycareKid had. Sigh.

Babygirl just brought her sneakers to me. You know what that means, right? Time to go outside for more chilly fun!

Ack!

When I lifted Babygirl from her crib this morning, she seemed warm. Her hands seemed strangely warm to me. I haven’t used a baby thermometer for years and years, but I can tell from my baby’s hands if she is feverish. I toted her to my husband and asked him if he thought she was warm. “No,” he said, and finished putting on his shiny shoes.

So we went to church, where I ended up manning the nursery since I coordinate the volunteers and the scheduled volunteer was a no-show. Half-way through, Babygirl began to fuss. The fuss accelerated into a full-blown cry. I realized that she, indeed, was feverish.

When we returned home, I gave Babygirl some ibuprofen. She promptly gagged it onto my skirt in a mucusy wad of vomit. Then she napped a bit. She woke when my mother brought YoungestBoy home. She’d taken him after church to McDonald’s. (My twins went from church to a friend’s home to play.) I visited with my mother for a while. Babygirl played happily, fueled by her twenty minute nap.

My husband was home from 3:30 p.m. to 4:30 p.m., then returned to church for more meetings. Babygirl grew crabbier as the day went on. She did keep some ibuprofen down when I tried again at 2:30 p.m. She took another nap. She nursed on and off all afternoon, and ate snacks here and there.

At 7 p.m., after an hour-long attempt to nurse her to sleep, she slumped over on my shoulder and fell into an immediate sleep without nursing at all. That was the first time that she ever went to sleep at night without nursing. I am hopeful that she’ll wake up cheerful in the morning with no sign of the fever. This is the illness that DaycareKid brought to us last Thursday.

I’ve watched the Golden Globes while reading a few chapters of “I Sleep at Red Lights” and now I will drop into bed so I can begin another exciting week of getting by. Oh joy.

I’ve Fallen Off the Wagon Already

Yeah. So much for grand proclamations about riding the exercise bike everyday. I am not exercising today. But the time I remembered, it was 9 p.m. and I whined to my husband, “I am just too tired!”

I started my day off at 3:12 a.m. when Babygirl woke up crying. I have no idea why she woke up, but I spent 10 minutes in her room before trudging back to bed. Then, DaycareKid showed up early at 7:10 a.m. and I was barely dressed. My hair was still wet.

At only 7:15 a.m. with Babygirl still sleeping, I checked my email while DaycareKid played here in the family room. At 7:55 a.m., while watching television with YoungestBoy and nursing Babygirl, I looked at the clock and thought “Uh-oh! I didn’t wake up the twins!” I normally wake them up at 7:30 a.m. so they can be ready to leave by 8 a.m. School starts at 8:25 a.m., but they like to be early.

They were so mad that I woke them up late. Oh dear. I just completely forgot to wake them up!

Then they were gone.

We went outside right away. Before 9 a.m. Babygirl, DaycareKid and I were outside freezing our bippies off. YoungestBoy came out in his pajamas and rubber boots and discovered that the water he’d put in the old dog bowl had a coat of ice on it. Did I mention that it was freezing? DaycareKid seems very unhappy and I figure he’s cold, so after twenty minutes or so I lure them inside with a promise of watching “The Wiggles.”

DaycareKid spent the entire morning being unusually unhappy. He stood and cried. He sat and cried. He stumbled around and cried. Poor kid. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. He whined for a drink and then wouldn’t drink it. He carried around his snack, but wouldn’t eat it. Finally, at 10:45 a.m., I thought, maybe he is just really hungry. I fed him lunch. He ate, then cried. I began to wonder if he was coming down with something. I felt a swollen gland in his neck and I thought he seemed warm. At 11:30 a.m. (an hour earlier than usual), I put him to bed. He fell right asleep.

His mother picked him up early at 3 p.m. He had a pre-existing doctor’s appointment for a well-baby check-up. I told his mother that he seemed very unhappy and I wondered if he was overly tired? Or sick? She called me later in the day and told me that the doctor found DaycareKid had a throat infection and a fever, but that it wasn’t strep and that he wasn’t contagious. I can only hope!

A sick daycare baby is the major drawback to having a daycare baby. I hate it when he brings germs to my baby! Sigh.

At noon, I suddenly realize that YoungestBoy didn’t do his homework yet and by then it was too late. What is wrong with my brain? I just can’t remember anything today!

Must be old age approaching. Next Wednesday I turn 39.

No More Doom and Gloom For Now

Okay. Well, after yesterday’s extremely grim entry, I figure I won’t recite the sad tale of how my dad told me he was divorcing my mother when I was 11.

Instead, a few random tidbits from life here in the Pacific Northwest.

Yesterday, Zach arrives home from school and blurts out, “Mom, I got my symbol moved!”

At kindergarten, their behavior is recorded as a happy face, a sad face or a not-so-happy face. If they do something they shouldn’t, they get their symbol moved from happy to sad or not-so-happy. He’s been so proud that he’s never had to move his symbol. Until yesterday. The “not-so-happy” face was circled.

“Oh no! What happened?”

And he told me excitedly that Dominick accidentally knocked over his dominoes and so Zach yelled, “DOMINICK!” Dominick got in trouble, too. So did David.

Now, a quick word about David. David is Zach’s new best friend. My neighbor who volunteers in the classroom says David is “exuberant.” David’s mother described him to me as “active.” I asked Zach once, “What kind of boy is David?” And Zach said, “He loves action!

The sheet in Zach’s folder said, “He was loud and talkative all day!” So, I had a little talk with him and he promised to be on his best behavior again.

On an unrelated note, today I overhead Zach mention to himself something about a picture of him “when I used to be cute.” I said, “Hey, what are you talking about? When you used to be cute?”

And he said, “Mom, that picture was when I was three and I used to be cute. Now, I’m not cute. I’m cool!”

Meanwhile, Grace has decided that she’d like to be outside in the backyard most of the day. We went out two separate times today and brrrrr, it was chilly! When she asked to go outside and I said no, she cried and screamed and flung herself toward me. And no nap today at all. Not even ten minutes during our noon nursing. This is her new pattern. No nap at all, but then she’ll sleep for 12-14 hours at night.

I started exercising yesterday on my new Schwinn exercise bike. Today is my second day. I’m going to ride it every day, unless I’m sick. Once I managed to do that for a solid year. I rode an exercise bike every single day, no matter what. I only quit when I got pneumonia.

So, no more doom and gloom for today. But there’s always tomorrow!

And one more thing

Tonight, my husband mentions that next year, if Adam goes to sixth grade in public school (rather than homeschooling) that he will not be able to play the flute. Apparently, that would be just asking for him to be taunted because middle-school boys don’t play the flute without other middle-school boys taunting them and calling them “gay.”

I remember one of my husband’s friends joking years ago, way before we even had kids, about “flute-playing boys.” My husband and all his college friends are jocks. My husband played every sport in high school and then intramural college sports. He loves to watch football and baseball. He’s just a jock with two sons who are completely the opposite. Our twin boys have little coordination, no drive and complete disinterest in sports. They played baseball for a while, but it was boring and torturous. They took judo at the YMCA, but that eventually became drudgery. So, my husband, The Jock, counts on Zach and Grace to inherit some of his athletic skills and interests.

When I was in school, I was the girl in the library who thought jocks were stupid. I hated them for their bullying, for their cockiness, for their attitudes, for their stupidity. I did not have time for idiots like that. I went to one football game in all four years of high school. I thought that partying and drinking and being wild and crazy was just pointless. I thought the adulation of boys who were coordinated was sickening, especially when their IQs were lower than their jersey numbers.

And yet, here I am, married to a former jock who is warning me that my flute-playing son will be a target of other boys–the very kind of jocks I hated when I was in school–next year. Apparently, he was already called “gay” this year because of his flute.

So, I said, “Well, that is just stupid!” And then while my husband answered the phone, I moped on the couch and started to cry.

I either need therapy or a vacation! Or I need to slap the stupid boys in sixth grade who would make a flute-playing boy feel like a freak.

My husband says with incredulity, “Are you crying? Why are you crying?”

And I wipe my eyes and say, “Because I am a woman and I have hormones!” Sniffle, sniffle.

We discussed it more and I agreed that Adam should have other musical lessons and continue playing the flute at home. He’d like to play guitar and I’d like him to play the piano. He shows musical aptitude and I’d like to help him develop it.

As for me? I should be locked in a closet until this mood passes.

Sunday Laughs

Sunday means church in our family. By a miracle, I had my family seated in the front row at 9:30 a.m. Even my husband (the pastor) came up and said, “Why are you here so early?” I said, “Hey, if they are all ready, I leave!” So, there we were, fifteen minutes early.

My plan backfired, though. Babygirl had enough of it all before they even got to the congregational prayer. I took her and YoungestBoy downstairs to the nursery. YoungestBoy wanted to go back upstairs, so I allowed him, knowing the the adult I left in charge of my twins would also watch out for him.

That is how it happened that I missed one of our church’s funniest moments!

Every Sunday, there is time allotted for individuals in the congregation to stand and give thanks. YoungestBoy noticed something happening, people raising their hands, so he, my new Kindergarten Boy, raised his hand. The woman at the pulpit saw his hand and acknowledged him.

He stood up and then said, “I’m not sure what the question is. What’s the question?”

The woman told him, “This is the time we tell about what we’re thankful for. Do you have something you are thankful for?”

I’m told that he said, “Oh. I’m thankful for electricity!” The congregation burst into laughter. This kid is probably going to be a stand-up comedian. He loved it!

That’s ONE Mistake, Mom! One!

Tonight while I was making sure the twins were actually in bed (at almost 9 p.m.), I found a soggy pile of socks and pants in the middle of the floor. I didn’t mean to, but I went into a little rant that went something like this: “Why can’t you put your clothes in the laundry room? I’m so sick of picking up wet clothes from the floor. I’ll bet Nick never leaves his wet clothes on the floor.”

Nick is the kid we know who is a year older than my twins. He is every parent’s dream–smart, kind and dependable. He’s well-liked by his classmates and easy-going.

Now, of course I know better than to compare my kids out loud to other kids. I try hard not to even compare them to each other out loud. But sometimes, I fail.

So, after I threw the yucky clothes into the laundry room, TwinboyA looks up from his book and says, “Mom, that’s one ! One mistake!”

“What?” I said.

“Mom, that’s one mistake! Comparing us to other kids is one mistake! And just one of many!”

I laughed. Then I went over and peered into his blue eyes and tried to figure out what to do about those two blackheads on his nose and said, “Look, son, all I’m saying is that I want you guys not to leave your wet clothes on the floor.”

“Mom, we don’t have time in the morning. . . .”

“Son, those clothes were from this afternoon when your brother changed after school.”

“Oh.” He looked a little sheepish then.

This boy is keeping a mental tally, though. He is watching me, grading me, cataloging my failures. He’s kind of like me and I’m kind of like him–and somedays I do not appreciate the mirror.

Misunderstanding

I adore my youngest boy.

Today, he was sad when he came home from school. He’d taken a Yu-gi-oh card to school to show a friend and I’d put it in his backpack for him. He watched me do it. But he couldn’t locate it at school. He was so upset that he hadn’t been able to show it to his friend, David.

“That’s okay,” I said, “You can try again tomorrow.”

“No, I can’t!” he said.

“Why not?” I said. “You have school tomorrow.”

“Mom! I don’t. Look in my folder.”

Then he got out his red folder that the teacher sends home every day with the day’s homework and other papers. I opened it and saw the new homework for the day. The completed homework from yesterday. Nothing else. He pointed and said, “See?!”

I said, “Honey, I don’t see anything.”

“Mom, right there! It says Stay Home.

Sure enough, it did say “Stay Home” on one pocket of the folder. On the other pocket of the folder, it says, “Bring Back.” This is so we know which papers should stay home and which ones he needs to bring back. I laughed.

“Sweetie, that just means those papers are supposed to stay home!”

He looked so relieved and wiped his eyes. Tragedy averted. (The perils of learning to read!)