Under Warranty

I bought a used car on Election Day a year ago. 

I watched the election returns with the idle salesmen while my salesman was off . . . doing whatever it is that used car salesmen do during a sales transaction. When Trump won Ohio, I told the guys that it was basically all over and they said, “Do you think so?” and I nodded sagely, secure in my second-hand knowledge gleaned from Fox News.

Anyway.

Although I really wanted the adorable green Fiat 500, I chose the black one because it had low mileage and was still under warranty. Being an adult is full of sensible decisions, but my 15-year old still can’t believe I chose practical over cute.

Soon after my purchase, I was shifting in my seat and heard a loud crack.  The armrest broke.  Since the initial fracture, it has broken in a half dozen other ways.  I thought maybe I would order a new armrest and install it because, “how hard can that be?”

I started with a Google search and came across someone who said their Fiat’s armrest was under warranty.  And . . . for the first time in my life, I realized that I might be able to take advantage of a warranty.

I called the local Fiat dealership four times before I reached someone who agreed that it was under warranty. He set up an appointment for tomorrow morning at 8:30 AM.

I wish certain other situations were under warranty in my life. After all, when you make a solid, grown-up, practical decision, shouldn’t you be able to depend on a lifetime warranty that there will be no defects in material and workmanship?  (Also, a warranty that covers user error and those dumb accidents you have when you just drop your phone on a sidewalk, for instance.)

In lieu of that futile wish, I will be grateful for a new armrest.

And next time, I will order offspring with the extended warranty, the one that guarantees me they will make wise choices all the days of their lives.

Wouldn’t it be fun to have an actual life that looks like the cheery Facebook posts and Instagram photos some people with a more charmed existence appear to have?  Yeah, that.

In fact, I want a whole life under warranty with a 100% money-back guarantee.