You know what I hate? A vague blog post full of muddy hints and impossible to decipher clues.
So I won’t write that blog post. I can’t write a frank description of why I’m feeling the way I feel or why it matters, so I won’t write anything at all. It’s maddening, isn’t it, to wonder what happening in someone’s life and to be excluded from knowing?
Tell me this, though.
When something happens in your life, do you extrapolate that event to the whole of your life? Do you see patterns where maybe there are no patterns? Do you say, “Susan looked at me funny. This indicates something serious. Everyone looks at me funny and what is wrong with me and will I ever have any friends? My whole life people have looked at me funny and clearly there is something fundamentally wrong with me.”?
Or do you just note: “Susan looked at me funny,” and maybe wonder what’s wrong with Susan and go on your merry way through life?
Guess which one I do.
(No, don’t. Because I will take it personally and no one wants that.)
Actual Unretouched Photo 
I do the first one, even though I try not to. In fact, I’m doing it right now [not about you or your blog, though, I’ll hasten to add.]
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Up until my ‘epiphany year’ of 1999 I spent most of my life thinking I was friendless and everyone was ‘looking at me funny’. Then I got super sick and spent several days in the hospital as they tried to figure out what was wrong with me and the whole experience was a wake-up call. I realized I was spending my ENTIRE LIFE trying to please EVERYONE and I was getting NOWHERE FAST, haha! I had some mighty private talks with God all about that…and it changed my life. I am now a “So what?!” kind of a thinker…you don’t like me? So what?! You don’t like how I do this or that? So what?! Oh Mel…it’s been very liberating! And I realized just how much time I spent sweating over not only the little and big things but the minutae of life as well. AND it was exhausting and non-productive AND a total waste of time. These past 13 years…which made my epiphany happen at about the age you are now…have been the BEST years of my life. I certainly don’t wish sickness on you to bring on your life change…but I do hope you sit down and have some mighty private talks with the Lord too…shed buckets of tears, and just have a total soul-cleansing. It’s been worth it for me, for sure. Love you, sweetie…I’m praying for you.
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Yes. Yes I do extrapolate things like that to my entire life. If you are in need of someone to teach you the finer points of doing that, I could be of great assistance. But that isn’t what you need. You need cookies.
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Mel, we are separated at birth twins. Judy, can I get in on those cookies too?
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Ah well, some of us weren’t meant to have many friends.
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Um, yes. My husband calls it “the spiral”. Both my girls do it too, unfortunately. So much for the buck stops here. . .
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