Between work, soccer, lacrosse and the eye doctor, I haven’t been doing much besides working, driving around and waiting. We do like our new eye doctor–but I can’t figure out what takes so long during our visits. There might be one other person in the waiting room, two women working behind the front desk . . . and yet, we were there for two hours.
Last week, Grace and I had back-to-back appointments and we were there for three hours. We practically needed to bring a snack and a change of clothes, we were there so long.
Summer is barreling past faster than the speed limit, and I’m spending all my time at the eye doctor or waiting for a child’s sports practice to begin and end.
* * *
A misguided part of my brain harbors a poisonous kernel of jealousy. I know it’s poison but it’s still there.
I thought I was jealous of the woman I know who is starting her life over or the one I know who has just had a baby or the one who is heading off to college.
But really, I am jealous of myself . . . of who I was when I was young and unencumbered and of who I will be when I am old and unencumbered. (That is a might big assumption there, that one day I will be unencumbered.) (Notice how I assume without pause that I will one day be old. How arrogant of me.)
I have some internal flaw that keeps me from resting. I’m the princess and the pea is buried in me. I wonder if someday I will rest in the moment and stop thinking that those other selves are lucky because they aren’t me, right here, right now.
I hope so because I know for a fact that one day I will look back at this moment and long for it. Misty water-colored memories and all that.