Out of sync

My life is out of sync.  Here’s why:

I work until midnight five nights a week.  Sunday nights, I work until 1 a.m.  Saturday night, I’m off.

When I finish work, it’s usually later than my official quitting time.  If I blog or do anything else on the computer, suddenly it’s late.  For instance, right now, it’s 2:00 a.m.

So I will trudge upstairs and slip into bed, trying not to wake my slumbering husband.  If I’m lucky, my brain will turn off and I’ll be asleep within thirty minutes.

At 6 a.m., my husband leaves for work.  I usually sleep through his morning routine and departure.

At 6:30 a.m., my son showers and gets ready for school.  He leaves at 7:30 a.m.  Sometimes I don’t hear any of this.  (He’s such a responsible boy for an almost-12-year old.)

At 7:30 a.m. or 8:00 a.m., my daughter wakes up.  She appears at my bedside to talk.  She showers.  I crawl from bed and pull on a sweatshirt and yoga pants that never match.  I give her breakfast and drive her to school before 9 a.m.

Then I return home and sometimes crawl back under the covers, telling myself that I can sleep just one more hour to bring my total hours of sleep to seven.  And then I fall into a crazy sleep full of hallucinatory dreams.  I sleep longer than just one hour and wake up with enough time to shower and get dressed and start working at noon.

I rebuke myself for wasting my mornings.  Shouldn’t I be cleaning or grocery shopping or cooking or hand-sewing outfits for my children?  But no.  I sleep.  I sleep because I cannot function on six hours of sleep a night.

I work until 5 p.m., interrupting my five hours at the computer only long enough to pick up my daughter at school–it’s a 10 minute round-trip.

I finish work and head to the kitchen.  I clean it up and then cook dinner.  I might do some housework, get laundry going.

At 6 p.m., my husband is home, usually.

We spend some time together.  I exercise.  Sometimes I read.  At 8 p.m. or 9 p.m., it’s time to work again until midnight.

And the cycle begins again.

Do all working moms feel like they just don’t have any time?  I am so grateful for my job.  I work 40+ hours a week (at home, on my computer!) and have full medical and dental and vision benefits for my whole family.  I have vacation time and sick time and occasionally, I fly to New York for meetings in the main office.

This week, just for kicks, I have to renew my driver’s license in person (so I can get an enhanced license that will get me across the border if I ever want to visit Canada).  Yeah, that will be fun and will take all Wednesday morning.

(Now, it’s 2:15 a.m.  This is ridiculous!)

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Out of sync

11 thoughts on “Out of sync

  1. Melissa says:

    Well, you could move your work shift to the morning. Then, you could go to bed earlier, get up earlier, etc. That might make your life feel more in sync. However, for me, it’s much easier to stay up late than to get up early.(Until I’m in the habit of doing it.)

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  2. I’m not a working mom and I don’t have enough time either. I think that’s a universal condition!

    Do you read at Five Full Plates? There was a post last week about sleep and how it is important to health and weight loss (or even lack of weight gain).
    http://fivefullplates.com/?p=462

    I’m a morning person… good from sun up to dinner and then I’m worthless for the rest of my waking hours!

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  3. Darla says:

    I am a working mom also. Not a full 40 hours but enough. Sometimes I feel way out of sync. Between work, school for the boys, competive baseball for both, violin lessons, oh yea then there is the puppy (which is bigger than my youngest child) and the house, cleaning, meals and anything else. Life if way to busy!

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  4. After Wednesday comes and goes, you’ll have to report on the process to get that enhanced drivers license. I’ve heard it takes hours – just what you need! (But you don’t have hours to stand in line…) My turn is coming – this is my year, and for once, I want to go to Canada and see the sights I’ve forever planned to go see………So, I need the special type, too.

    As for sleep, let me tell you this (just so you have something fun to look forward to…)retirement is a GREAT time to sleep – I’ve heard we can never recoup what sleep we’ve lost, but I, for one, am working on it. Some days I get 10, maybe 11 hours – and it is super wonderful! Hang in there – good things are coming!

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  5. The visual of hand-sewing outfits for your children was where I got derailed. I couldn’t shake images from “Little House on the Prairie”, even while you mention you work all night on your computer. By the flickering light of a kerosene lamp, right?

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  6. Danielle says:

    I can relate to your situation. I have been in your shoes.
    I sit here, today, in my big, empty house, glass of wine in hand. Peace surrounds me. Sleep is plentiful. Somehow, though, it’s sad and empty. All I have to look forward to are phone calls or emails from the kids that I gave so much to. They don’t have children of their own yet. They are clueless to the sacrifices I made for them to be where they are today. Funny how one can wish for what she does not have. My kids are all adults now, gone, finding their own way in life. I wish that they were back as kids just for one day so that I could enjoy them, their presence. Maybe it’s just the wine speaking for me, but I would give up an entire nights sleep for them to be kids again, just for a day. As challenging as it is, enjoy it as much as you can.

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  7. You do so much! It’s amazing really. Of course you have to sleep sometimes. No one can do everything!

    Okay, I do know one person who seems to be able to do it all, and I’m not sure I like her much;) YOU are likable.

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  8. I have four kids (9,8 6,and 2). I do accounting at home on the computer…20 hours a week. I have a house that seems too big to clean. I don’t know how people do it. I seem to always get sucked into doing the room mom thing, or the volunteer for this committee, because no one else will do it. And I feel guilty. So I do it. And then, when everyone else in their right mind is relaxing, I am stressing out over some nonsense that simply “has to get done.”

    So you are not alone. I keep thinking that “when Ella is in school, I’ll have some time to catch up on things.” But in my mind I’ve already filled up those 5 hours/week that I’ll be sans children. There is never enough time.

    Sorry, for my very first comment on your blog I wrote you an entire manuscript!

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