My husband likes to remind me that my life is most likely half over. I suppose this is meant to spur me to a greater appreciation of life and deepen my desire to absorb every moment, but really, it just makes me feel old.
I’m at that age when I see a college student and think he must be in junior high. I cannot believe that professionals–doctors, even–are young enough to be my children (if I’d been a teenage mother). My college friends have kids in college and the very thought of that blows my mind.
When I study my face closely in the mirror, I can’t help but notice the soft wrinkles gathered around my eyes. I’m losing elasticity while sprouting gray hair at my temples. I fear that my back will refuse to bend without warning. I am all age spots and spider veins.
I feel old and tired. Even though I’m just middle-aged and sleep-deprived.
I think these thoughts at every change of the seasons. Today, a chilly wind accompanied us to school. Summer has evaporated leaving only cold sunshine and a promise of rain tomorrow.
The ending of each season propels me closer to The End. And I really, really, really hope the story of my life will be told with gusto and humor and compassion before that final page.
But today I am boring and tired and uninteresting, unworthy. My daughter, however, is beginning to read, has mastered Yahtzee and has the most perfect blond ringlets. She brings laughter and recognition to my days.
She is sunshine and rainbows. I am fog. I am tired fog, in need of immediate sleep.
Actual Unretouched Photo 
I hope you got some sleep, Mel. I’m old, too. It’s ok.
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I turned 40 last month, and it has freaked me out in a huge way. Where I thought I’d be, where I am, is it too late for X and Y and Z?
Sleep deprivation doesn’t help with feelings of age, nor does winter, for that matter.
I, too, hope you got some sleep.
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“But today I am boring and tired and uninteresting, unworthy.”
You might be boring, tired and uninteresting today. And that is OK. But never unworthy. Please please please know that!
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‘My daughter, however, is beginning to read, has mastered Yahtzee and has the most perfect blond ringlets. She brings laughter and recognition to my days’.
how precious!
‘And I really, really, really hope the story of my life will be told with gusto and humor and compassion before that final page’.
i have know doubt that this will be the case 🙂
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Your not old till you have a daughter who will be 43, next month!!
I never thought I would be 63…but here I am. Somedays…I just wonder where has all those years gone? However, I would not want to be younger….being a senior has it perks…no one expects much from us…and they are more then willing to help! YEAH!
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My life is MORE than 1/2 over (unless I live to be 100 – then it’s only 1/2) and not only are my 2 oldest out of college, 1 of them is a father of 2!!! How could that happen? I’m only 50?? (“only” – ha)
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My baby is getting MARRIED on Saturday!
That is really making me feel old.
And, fat.
Dang.
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