One of our four Beta Fish is swimming erratically. It swims as if it has helium in its tiny belly, flapping its lacy fins, trying not to turn sideways.
I am alarmed and I would do CPR or offer oxygen to this little creature, but of course, it’s a $3.59 fish from Wal-Mart and I have no magical powers of healing for fish. Poor thing. The other fish in the container (divided by an opaque blue plastic panel) seemed near death a few weeks ago and recovered, so perhaps I am overly pessimistic.
* * *
I read and watched two particularly depressing things this weekend. First, I saw “The Wrestler,” the film that Mickey Rourke stars in. It’s his “comeback” and he was nominated for Best Actor. As expected, the story was grim and gritty. Very sad.
I finished reading The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. It’s a memoir of the year following her husband’s sudden death. (They’d been married forty years.) While I appreciated the writing, I found her disbelief in any sort of afterlife very depressing. I cannot imagine grieving as one who has no hope in life beyond this life. When my 47-year old dad died, he was there one moment, and only his body remained the next. His soul went somewhere. I do not believe that our souls are extinguished at the moment of death. I am absolutely convinced that this is not all there is to life.
On a somewhat related note, can I just mention how odd it is that my husband is now the same age my dad was when he died? My dad will never be older than 47 and soon I will be older than my dad. Very strange.
And abruptly, that’s it for now.
Actual Unretouched Photo 
You and I seem to be following the same thought patterns lately. For an eternal optimist, I’m truly struggling to see the glass still half full.
LikeLike
lol, i have to chuckle because H thinks it’s so cool that she is “older” than her “big ” brother!! ( he died when he was 10 and she is now 12). glad she has a sense of humor about it!! there is indeed life after death for a believer!! i totally believe that!! take care…oh, btw, thanx for the goodies, i got them today… (it doesnt seem to want to let me change my e-mail address, so can you change it??) should go to blog.diggidy@gmail.com…thanx
LikeLike
I’m with you on that last…. my father passed away at 44, and as my husband rapidly approaches that number, I get scared for my daughter. I know perfectly well it’s irrational, but it’s all fear for her, not even for myself.
(And it IS irrational, my husband has zero of the warning signs for heart attack that my father displayed for years)
LikeLike
I found your blog while searching for something else. However, after reading your posts I thought it sounded a lot like me. I totally agree with you about Joan Didion. Although I liked the book, The Year of Magical Thinking,I, too, was thinking that if a person doesn’t believe in Heaven, how can they comforted?
LikeLike
I just returned home from a funeral this morning, so I have been thinking a lot about life and death today. I didn’t know the woman well, so I am not mourning deeply or anything…just thinking deeply.
I believe that our souls go somewhere too. This belief about what comes after life, gives so much more meaning to life itself.
LikeLike
Both my grandfathers both died at about 45 yo. My folks were both 15. My dd is 14, and my dh will be 45 in December. Kinda creeps me out. I’m making him eat better (less) and he’s downing apple cider vinegar (which seems to help his joint pain and gall bladder issues – cool).
I know what you mean about feeling badly for those who don’t believe we go on. Life would seem so tragic without the knowledge that I am going to live with God forever after this short, difficult life.
LikeLike
We have a Beta that the kids call “nemo” which I know is not original but oh well. Anyhow, Nemo has been hovering near the bottom since October, with one bulging eye! I have been waiting for him to die but he just won’t.
LikeLike