My work on the Internet has revealed some hilarious mis-heard phrases.
Just tonight, I read a paragraph by a woman who bemoaned her husband’s “carpool tunnel” injury.
Last week, a woman asked for others to share some “old wise tells.”
Someone else mentioned a “cereal killer.” A mom announced herself as a “SHAM.” (FYI: SAHM stands for stay-at-home-mom.)
A mom explained that “we were also dumb-shocked.” Another said, “I knew it would be a mute effort.”
Then there was the woman who described being “trapped between a rock and a hard plate.”
And the one who “lost my composer.” (I picture Beethoven tucked in the lost-and-found at the Police Department.)
All this makes me think that some people are “blind-sighted” when it comes to understanding lingo. (Then again, who am I to laugh? I was puzzled until adulthood by the advice to wear clean underwear in case you have an accident, because I believed “accident” was just a polite way of saying “peeing your pants” and if you peed your pants, why would it matter if they were clean?)
Maybe she was talking about me when the lady said, “She’s not the sharpest kangaroo in the shed.”
Actual Unretouched Photo 
I didn’t know until I was in seventh grade that it’s not “I could of done it.” It’s, “I could’ve done it.” Short for “could have.”
I have a kiwi friend who writes, “Seen as today was a nice day…” Meaning, “Seeing as…” It’s just that as a whole Kiwis are kind of lazy speakers, so they almost never say the hard “g” at the end of a word.
And, I used to think it was “Hard road to toe.” I didn’t know what it meant at all.
And, one more. Last one, I think- My dad used to always wake us up by saying, “Rise and shine! Up and at ’em!” And I would think, “But it’s not autumn it’s spring.” Or whatever season. For a while I thought he was referring to us as “Adam,” but that didn’t make much since as none of the kids in my family have that name.
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I’ve had my share of ignorant things too, but these are funny. Thanks for sharing.
Heidi
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I use to think that people were debating “Youth in Asia” whenever I heard the word EUTHANASIA!!
Live and Learn! LOL!
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a friend saw someone choking on tv and said they should to the “Hymen remover” on her. Whaaaaaaat?
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Ha, that was good for a much-needed laugh today! My thing is signs, like the one I spotted out walking the grandbabies recently: “We’ve moved to 51th and Powell” Excuse me?!? 51th?! Also, I was looking thru your books on the sidebar and ‘discovered’ Lisa Samson. Never had heard of her before but I got “Church Ladies” from the library and, Mel, she’s great! As I’m reading it, all I can see is/was you in your ‘former life’. Bless your heart. I have many pastors’ wives as friends and I know it ain’t no picnic. Have a good weekend!
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Oh my gosh these crack me up!
Steph
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I was with a group of friends a few days ago and one of them leaned into the group and said, “I want to tell you something, but make sure the kids aren’t within ears’ length.” (Ear shot? Arm’s length?) No one corrected her, because she honestly didn’t think twice about what she said. It keeps coming back to me though! Too funny.
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I’m particularly fond of “for all intensive purposes”
I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen the word “voila” written as “wah la”
People are funny.
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Those are called “eggcorns”. There is a whole website that collects them. It’ll come up 1st or 2nd on google. Fun for occasional amusement or maybe you can even contribute some.
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I like “you were suppose to…” And my favorite misspelling is the word “alot or allot” it’s a lot people!
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I know some learned (LEARN-ED!) people who say such and such is a MUTE point. This just KILLS my husband and I.
MOOT point, It’s a MOOT point, people.
The other one that just kills us is the mispronunciation of the word BAG. I know SO many people who pronounce it BEG. It’s the short a vowel sound. Dern that misguided kindergarten teacher….
My last mispronunciation issue is people saying “eye-talian” instead of italian. Where are the eye-talians from, Eye-taly?
Off my soapbox! Thanks for letting this off my chest.
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My daughter is well known for these.
Once, when she was REALLY mad about something that had happened to her child, she told me that she called just because she “needed to fumigate”.
I listened. I did not laugh.
And, I didn’t tell ANYBODY (did i?).
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my husband used to (a very long time ago) think that Alzheimers Disease was “old-timer’s” disease. ha!
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