I miss the days when my twins were small and took a nightly bath, put on fresh pajamas and watched “Rugrats” on television before going to bed at 8:00 p.m.  They were so cute and followed the plan without deviation.  I liked that control.
They are talking now–I can hear their man-voices in their room, discussing whatever it is that 15-year old boys find necessary to discuss at 12:30 a.m.  They haven’t showered in over twenty-four hours and they haven’t worn pajamas with zippers in many years.

I no longer have a complete inventory of every thought in their heads.  I can’t control every thing they see and everything they hear.  I do, however, make them sit on the bottom stair from time to time when they make me so angry I could spit nails.  They are taller than me, so I’m always a little bit surprised and relieved when they actually obey me.

I miss their soft skin.  Their legs are hairy and their chins are sprouting whiskers.  I can’t imagine trusting them with razors, but that day is fast approaching.
I don’t have to remind them to wear deodorant on most days.

They can lift heavier loads than I can.  I remember toting them both in my arms as I walked down the stairs, so this seems incongruous that they are stronger than me now.

I remember the time they ate ketchup for lunch.  Just ketchup in a bowl.  Now, they eat vast quantities of everything, including ketchup but only on other food.  A gallon of milk disappears in a day.
They once seemed to be mine, but I know they never really were.  They are separate and distinct people and I just hope that I’m preparing them to be successful human beings.  I can’t imagine setting them loose in the world in three years when they are 18, legally adults.  I have friends whose children have gone off to college and I just can’t imagine it.

I still hear their rumbling voices in the next room having a private conversation and just like I thought they would be in footie-pajamas forever, I think their voices will fill that room forever, but of course, one day I’ll look back on this with shock at how quickly it all ended.

And I will have to apologize to their wives for being unable to teach them to lower the toilet seat and take their dishes to the kitchen sink and their balled up socks to the laundry room.

18 thoughts on “Missing

  1. Okay, that ketchup in a bowl is gross, but who am I to judge? Kids are just weird.

    My boys are no longer in the footie pjs, but still years away from shaving and deo. under their pits. I’m in that inbetween place with them, I guess we both are. It’s going so fast which makes me happy the day they play with matches, sad that someday they will be gone.


  2. This post tugged at my heart. My two boys are not twins – they are 4 and 7. But I still remember carrying them at the same time, the baths, the little pj’s etc. This post gave me a glimpse of the future – one that seems forever away and yet I know when I’m there it will feel like I blinked and it happened.


  3. My teenagers were upstairs at midnight last night yukking it up and having such a blast together that I hardly wanted to remind them to be quiet so the younger kids could sleep…

    Mary, mom to 10


  4. It goes by so fast. I look at my “adult” children and wonder, where did they come from? I can’t possibly be old enough to be that person’s mother. And I look at my baby, now nine years old herself, and feel like being a “young mom” was a lifetime ago. Watching your kids grow into adults is heartbreaking. Someday I’ll be happy they’ve grown up, right?


  5. It goes so fast. Seems like about two months ago I brought a tiny little boy home from the hospital, and yesterday, we took him to college. And when I went to kiss his cheek goodbye I got a face full of whiskers. Unbelievable. I’m still in denial.


  6. No No No! I refuse to let this happen to my crazy little kids. Sure today I cleaned up an entire bowl of soggy wet milky cereal off the kitchen floor, but I also got a snuggle on the couch from a very loving 2 year old. I think it was a fair trade.


  7. What a sweet picture of your loving mind. It really is something, ain’t it? But the new way they love you in every different age is just so precious, too.

    My kids are now 27, 23 and 20. They are just so sweet to me. Which is good, because they all know that when I’m old, they have to take care of me! And clean up MY spilt milk! And help me put on my zipper jammies! 🙂


  8. I don’t know how I will cope when my boys leave home. Just now Zander is potty training. Already I have realized that this is it. My last ‘baby’, no more in daytime nappies. Soon no more nappies in our home at all. No proof that once there were little babies here, except for the photos. Just makes me sad!


  9. We just took our baby boy away to college yesterday. I thought I was prepared for the emotions I would feel, but, even though it’s only been ONE NIGHT it seems so weird around here without him. Enjoy the boy stuff while you can


  10. My oldest is packing up and almost ready to leave to go back to college. I am sad, trying not to cry. I guess we all will adjust. Eventually.


  11. I have twin girls in the 1st grade. . .I love hearing from other twin moms who have gone before me, survived it, and somehow hung on to their sanity. I just discovered your blog. . .I’ll be back for more!


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