Christmas is coming and my letter remains unwritten

My nose is cold all the time.  When I was fat, I looked forward to losing weight and cooling off.  If you haven’t been fat, you might not know this, but when I was fat, I was so hot all the time.  (And not hot in a good way.)

Sure enough, I lost 60 pounds and I’m freezing all the time.  And I’ve lost circulation in my face, apparently because my nose has turned into a little popsicle.

I have yet to write my World Famous Christmas Letter.  Oh, I know.  Christmas letters make some people cringe, but I write a little amusing one each year . . . I have done this for years and people tell me that they read my letter to their friends and OH THE PRESSURE.  What if I cannot write an amusing Christmas letter?  I need to carve out a little time to work on it.

HEY!  We have a new couch and chair.  I warned my children, “NO EATING ON THE COUCH!” and so far, they are all scared to death to even sit on it.  This is the first new couch we’ve had in . . . uh, 17 years.  The last couch I bought was white, which was a mistake, but I was not yet a mother and I had no idea that one day my toddler would barf Coke-flavored vomit all over it.

My daughter keeps bugging me to go to “the store where we bought those baby clothes” (I took her shopping for a baby shower gift) . . . she wants to buy a set of baby dolls she saw there.  She is relentless.  I doubt she will forget, even after Christmas.  Lucky for her, she has Christmas money coming (a money-filled card from a relative), so I will let her spend that on another dolly.  A girl can’t have too many dollies, you know.  At last count, she had eighteen.  (I know this because I attempted to quiet her begging by sending her upstairs to count how many dollies she already has.)

What else?

I don’t know.  I can’t think because my nose is too cold.

Are you finished Christmas shopping?  I am!  And not only that, but last weekend, I wrapped everything up.  I rock.  Even though I haven’t yet begun writing my World Famous Christmas Letter . . .

8 thoughts on “Christmas is coming and my letter remains unwritten

  1. Last year I wrote mine in the form of a poem – and it was pretty easy, to say the least. It had the cadence of The Night Before Christmas. I’ll email it to you if I can find it. I, too, have done a humorous one for years – and feel the pressure every year to do something fun and unique. One year I did a quiz – with funny multiple choice answers….


  2. Please send one of those World Famous Christmas letters my way. We received one a couple of days ago from someone we’ve known for years. The wife was diagnosed with ALS – Lou Gehrig’s Disease – last January and it’s destroying her relentlessly and ruthlessly AND very fast. Oh, how I wish I had a cure for all the world’s incurable diseases! I could definitely use some Christmas cheer this year, Mel.


  3. This made me smile! One year I wasn’t in the mood to write, so I doodled. This was how my World Famous Christmas Cartoon came to be. Pressure, stress…yes I can relate! But how can I disappoint?? Good luck!


  4. all-righty then, miss ‘done with everything’ and you ‘rock’… i’m feeling ill at the thought of what i have left…ugh.


  5. My Christmas letter last year was, like Marcia above, a cartoon. It shows Mary, holding baby Jesus over her shoulder, talking to Joseph. Joseph has a grocery sack in one arm and a couple more grocery sacks on the table. “BethMart” is on the sacks, with bananas and paper towels peeking out.

    Joseph has a “list” in one hand. His dialog balloon says, “Mary, I got everything on your list except gold, frankincense and myrrh.”

    Mary replies, “That’s OK, dear. We’ll get all that stuff later.”

    Like you blogged once, Mel, I also crack myself up. I think it is a wondrous thing to love what you yourself write, draw, cook, sew, bake, grow, sing. We were created to create.

    Get busy, girl!


  6. I feel your pain. I haven’t written mine yet, either.

    Now I’m glad I waited. So I can add the more recent news, “And in keeping with Christmas tradition, I am sick. What would the holidays be without ‘Judy, with her nose so bright’ guiding who knows what.”


  7. Girl, you are adorable! My toes and nose are always cold too. Except when I am pregnant or fat.

    My girls love stuffed things. Every-so-often we go through and keep one, give one away. They are rather passionate about kids who can’t afford toys. They think that is more devastating than being hungry. K said, “Mamma, if we run low on money, buy me toys instead of food, okay?”

    My Christmas letters are legendary as well. Dammit.


  8. It can always be a Happy New Year letter and begin a whole new tradition.

    We’re cold here (and wet) too even in what is laughingly referred to as “sunny” California. I was thinking about you during the WA floods and glad you’re all okay.

    A very joyous Christmas to you and yours.


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