I find panty-lines reassuring. Don’t you? I prefer not to think of people being naked under their clothes. And don’t get me started on thongs. Thongs sticking up from waistbands are not reassuring, either. How can you not visualize what’s happening below the belt-line? And, really, do I want to visualize that? No. I do not.
Do you know why God gave you lips? To keep your fork from clacking on your teeth. To keep the smacking sounds from escaping from your mouth while you chew. To keep the food from falling out. Please, use the lips God gave you. No more clicking and clacking silverware on teeth. I’m begging you.
Why do children come in and go out and come in and go out and come in and go out more often when the temperature is only 45 degrees?
Do my teenagers think the Sock Fairy will retrieve all those balled up socks from the corners of their room?
Why does pumpkin pie have to be laden with so many calories?
I admit to feeling judgmental when I hear about babies who need helmets to reshape their heads. Did their mothers ever pick them up? (Oh, I know . . . this is uncouth of me to say, but don’t you all wonder the same thing?) *See below*
Whenever I see a teenage boy clutching his oversized pants to keep them from falling down as he waddles down the street, I always remark to the children in my car, “Doesn’t that boy look ridiculous? He can’t even walk straight!” I want to say to the sagging-pants boy: “Hey, your pants are falling down!”
Marc Anthony, the husband of Jennifer Lopez, is so unattractive. Maybe it’s just me, but I do not see his redeeming qualities.
If I had to do it all again, I wouldn’t worry so much. So many things just work out if given enough time.
I have a cordless phone on my desk. So, why do I shout, “BOY, I WISH I HAD A PHONE!” almost every day when it rings? That’s right . . . my boys use my phone and fail to return it. My subtle remark fails to spur them to action. Yet, I continue to yell because it amuses me on some sick level.
One year, the night before Thanksgiving, I peeled all the potatoes to save myself time the next day. At 11:30 p.m., I finished up my pie-baking, washed dishes, shoved potato peels into the garbage disposal and clogged my kitchen sink. The next day, I couldn’t use my sink at all and had to wash all dishes in the utility room. I felt like such a pioneer woman. Ever since, I keep Thanksgiving-themed paper products on hand. (The day after Thanksgiving, I dumped chemicals down the sink and dissolved the clog.)
My 5-year old daughter hates to wear shoes, even though she loves to buy shoes. All week long she’s been playing in the 45-degree back yard wearing her pajamas only. Except for the afternoon when she wore a purple fleece jacket and her underpants. Underpants are good, although I wish she’d wear something over her underpants.
So, to sum up:
1) Please wear underpants.
2) Please wear something over your underpants.
These are my rules for sane living.
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Positional plagiocephaly is a disorder in which the back or one side of an infant’s head is flattened, often with little hair growing in that area. It’s usually caused when a baby spends a lot of time lying on the back or is frequently left in a position where the head is resting against a flat surface (such as in cribs, strollers, swings, and playpens). Because infants’ heads are soft to allow for the incredible brain growth that occurs in the first year of life, they’re susceptible to being “molded” into a flat shape.