What would Jack Bauer do?

If an intruder entered under cover of darkness, what would Jack Bauer do?

I am nothing, if not attentive to details.  And so, I grew suspicious.  Yesterday, I took steps to confront the intruder.

This morning?  I heard rustling.

I caught the intruder.

Now, the question is:  what would Jack Bauer do? 

He would most likely kill the intruder with a swift blow to the head.

I am considering the merits of suffocation versus drowning. 

My husband refuses to be a party to this murder.

I wondered if it would be cruel and unusual to discard the intruder in a Trader Joe’s grocery bag.  Let it die slowly in the trash can.

What would Jack Bauer do?

He would have thought through the logistical problem of trapping the intruder in a glue trap.  Then again, a prisoner struggling against a gluey base might be just the way to extort information out of an intruder.  If this sort of intruder could talk, which of course, he cannot.  He can only scurry and flick his whiskers and . . . leave a trail of tiny poop on my kitchen counter.  That poop is the reason he’s imprisoned in glue under my sink.

But, what would Jack Bauer do?

How does one kill a furry little gray mouse? 

I cannot even smash a bug. 

What would you do?  (He’s not dead here, this mouse.  No.  He’s merely resting.) 


Update:  I wish I had never posted this sad tale of the mouse.  I wish the dumb mouse had never crawled into my house.  I wish I weren’t a grown-up so someone else would have disposed of the mouse.  When I read the comments, I realized that I could no longer ignore the stuck mouse under the sink.  So, with racing heart and shaking hands, I used a dustpan to sweep it into a paper Trader Joe’s bag.  The mouse looked mostly dead . . . he’d not only gotten stuck, but he’d eaten some poison first.  I couldn’t bear to look closely at the poor little creature.  So, he’s in the trash.  I cannot stop shuddering.

We shall never speak of the matter again.

27 thoughts on “WWJBD?

  1. What happens if you take him off the glue trap? Can you set him free in the woods? lol There’s no way I could kill him, I don’t squish bugs either!


  2. Eeeek
    I love the “What would Jack Bauer do”… now if I could only get it engraved on a ring.

    As for the mouse… you can’t kill it! it’s a peanut! drive 20 minutes or more from your house (so he can’t come back) and set him free. Or bribe your husband to do it (that’s what I’d do).

    This is EXACTLY the type of situation in which it’s handy to have a husband.


  3. Ahh, I used to be like you. Then I got lots of them and now I break their necks with a swift shovel strike. I can catch them running across the ground when armed with my shovel. Which only causes awkward questions if I see one and act decisively… then remember I have friends over for a BBQ, and they are all staring, open mouthed and slack jawed. Hubby will not let me in the house with the shovel as he worries I will smash the tiles with my enthusiasm. So I use a broom head indoors. Done right, this is also effective.

    My husband shrieks (it’s a very manly shriek) and says he could not do it. So I have been forced into this.


  4. Do you have any brutal neighbors? I know I couldn’t touch it, but maybe putting him in a plastic bag where the oxygen would eventually run out, that wouldn’t be too cruel.


  5. Oh, please kill him. If he’s stuck in the glue, he is suffering already.

    I’ve used the humane traps that don’t kill, so that I can set the little buggers free. I know it’s not perfect as they’re still going to come back into someone’s warm home, but it’s better than having to deal with a dying, suffering living thing.

    Denzylle in mousy Dalston, London.


  6. 24 hours is all it takes for one to scream itself to death. (24? that’s funny!)

    The problem with YOUR mouse, is that his head isn’t trapped. If it were caught in the center of the trap, it would use it’s nose to try to escape which would cause it to suffocate, rather quickly.

    I know WAY to much about these things.


  7. The glue is so sticky, you can’t free him, unless you want to release him in bits and pieces.

    If you leave him on there long enough, he will chew his legs off trying to free himself. Don’t ask me how I know.


  8. I couldn’t do it, but my hubby either drowns or freezes them – they are disgusting dirty little things, if you’ve ever taken a microbiology class you’d know the types of things they can carry around with em! Don’t want em near my kids!


  9. First off – congratulations on your successful capture. As one who has been fighting off “intruders” for years now, I no longer have any empathy for the vile little rodents. What would *I* do? I would pick up the glue board & dump it unceremoniously into the garbage can in the garage.
    Of course, keep in mind that I’m ready to burn my house down just to watch them all scurry with panic as they attempt to escape the flames.


  10. I’ve had some get “free” from those traps, even stuck inside a plastic bag. Freaky. I used to take them outside and w/a good stick I could usually pry it off somewhat, good enough for the cats to rip him off….but once the cat just managed to rip it in half, and that really icked me out. So, it’s now dh’s job. Or I take it and whack it on the side of the house, a little simple whack is all it takes, or fold it up and then whack it w/a rock.

    For a response to the “what’s wrong w/the old-fashioned, breakthe neck trap”…..those are not very child friendly at all and I’m scared I’m going to get snapped just trying to set the darned things. I’d rather pry a kid off of the glue traps and deal w/the stickies than the screams and pain of the snappies. Perhaps if I didn’t have any little ones running around, but I prefer my other options


  11. Ewwwww! I’m sorry but I have NO sympathy for the awful little things. My motto is: the only good mouse is a dead one – that does for snakes X 10!
    Definitely do the Jack Bauer thing!


  12. I was cruisin’ the net and decided to finally come over to your site from a comment you left on Mom to the Screaming Masses. I’ve seen you around before and thought it was time to say Hi. So here I am taking a break and reading a few blogs while I snack….And here is your lovely post…..did I mention that I was eating…. I’ll come back later. 😉
    Good luck.


  13. I can’t stand mice, but don’t have the stomach to do anything about them once they get on the glue board though. My son takes ’em outside and bops ’em with a stick. Maybe I sang that “Little Bunny Foo Foo” song too many times when he was a child.


  14. Ugh. I can’t stand the little rodents. I freak when I see mouse poop in my house. Once I came back from vacation and they must have had a party….it was EVERYWHERE!
    We had some company put some sort of poison in our walls and in secure traps that the kids/pets can’t get to. Somehow they eat it and then do everything they can to get outside to water. They say it’s a quick death, which is nice, but even if it wasn’t, as long as they get out of my house I don’t care too much how they die. 😉
    Our outdoor cat gives us a dead one about once a day. Everyone he gets is one less to get in! 🙂
    The only good mice are Mickey and Minnie. 😉


  15. If it were me I’d get it OUT OF THE HOUSE ASAP! I have a really nasty story from my cousin who left a mouse on a sticky trap too long…yeah, chewed it’s little leg off and then ran all over her house bleeding on carpet, furniture, clean, folded laundry and all manner of items that were ruined. Bleahhh! Oh, if you do the poison that causes them to flee in search of water, be sure to close the lids on your washing machine and toilets-that’s my nasty story to share another time!


  16. Oh my skin is crawling. I want to puke. I’ve got goosebumps. I’m chilling. I hate those things!

    and yet…the poor little mouse!

    I sure hop eyou come back and read your comments before the chews his legs off. i think the sight of that would make me lose my mind forever!


  17. May I post again?

    We had an old-fashion snap trap decapitate a mouse.

    Never found the head.

    Oh, and mice are cannibalistic, too.

    Not telling how I know. Trust me.


  18. “My husband shrieks (it’s a very manly shriek) and says he could not do it. So I have been forced into this”

    This was WAY too funny!! Thank you for the good laugh. I don’t think I could let my man live it down if he shrieked over a mouse:-)

    Now, as for the mouse, we had this problem before but without the glue (that is way to mean for me to do) but I use the old fashioned traps and from what I understand the Terminix man that comes every 3 months puts down poison outside that helps keep them away. We are NOT a family that likes to deal with bugs and creepy crawly things. Well, momma is not, the kids don’t mind much. Paying for Terminix is a piece of mind for momma not to have spiders crawling on her since we live out in the country area, if you want to call it that.

    Mrs. Damian Garcia


  19. I am soooo scared of mice but when I see them laying there so pathetic and helpless my heart actually aches for them. Weird!


  20. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with mice. There aren’t many more things quite as unnerving. (I caught 25 last fall in my KITCHEN)

    I finally bought a rat zapper that electrocuted them instantly, and then blinked a little light to let me know they were there. I didn’t have to see their bodies or do anything but tip the zapper over the trash. I think it was the most humane for them, also.


  21. ugh we’ve had this problem, we caught at least two dozen last year.. I let my husband put traps under the sink and didn’t even look under there till they were caught and disposed of. My 7 yr old is braver then me when it comes to mice. Alas we found the hole and I haven’t seen them since. Also my neighbours have all gotten cats. I see them with them all the time. Good luck I hope there aren’t more, I feel your pain.


  22. Just poke a stick into the glue, close your ears and eyes and drop the mousetrap in a garbage bag outside.

    Don’t feel sorry for them. They didn’t feel sorry for you when they chewed that hole through your wall.


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