Goodbye, Expectations! Hello, Reality.

Kids, kids, kids, Motherhood, Schooling at Home 2 Minutes

I locked my son out of the house today.  I did.  He’d run outside to make a dramatic point about the horrors of repeating a failed spelling test.  When I saw the door ajar, I closed it, locked it and then made sure the other doors were locked, too.  Ha!  (I, myself, am the model of maturity, to be sure.)

And when he knocked at the front door, I leaned in close to the door jam and said with mean glee, “Enjoy your time outdoors because I don’t allow children who are disrespectful into my house!”  And then I checked to make sure the deadbolt was still turned and stomped upstairs where my daughter was taking her third bath of the day and was vying for my attention.  (“WHAT?!”  “Um, I need a stick to put in his mouth,” she said, indicating a plastic shark.  At which point, I died from a heart attack.  The end.)

I never, ever, not one time in my whole adolescence sassed my parents.  (At least not out loud.)  I never set out to annoy them, to displease them, to make them want to lock me out of the house.  Never.  I was a pleaser, a good girl who wanted only to get perfect grades.  I volunteered my time at a hospital, at a 4-H group, at church and more.  If you needed help, I was your girl.

And how has all my goodness been repaid?  With stinky boys who feel free to complain and whine and slide off their chairs onto the floor in protest when I expect them to take a spelling test.  With sons who don’t hesitate to tell me in no uncertain terms what they will not do.  (“I will NOT take that assessment!”)  With kids who break pencils to protest the injustice of my expectations.

Karma-schmarma!  Phooey on karma, I say!  I deserve a child who yearns to read the captions and the footnotes, in addition to the regular text.  I deserve a child who is utterly grateful for the sacrifice that schooling-at-home is for me.  I deserve a child who displays some maturity and some respect.  I deserve a child who loves to read more than play Nintendo.

And I get mouthiness and stubbornness and kids who are like giant anchors needing to be dragged up from the sea bottom.  And they are tangled up in seaweed, just to make matters worse.

But they are my anchors.  And so I unbolted the door, accepted his apology, gave the spelling test again.  For whatever reason, God thought these were the kids for me, so away with you, Expectations! Hello, Reality!  I’m not quite ready to hug you yet, Reality, but I guess you can sit over there in the comfortable chair for now while I say farewell to my fond Expectations.

(“Buh-bye!” she says, weeping.)

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Published by Mel

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14 thoughts on “Goodbye, Expectations! Hello, Reality.”

  4. I can so relate to what you go through on a daily basis with your boys – I am still there with my nearly 20 year old daughter (who seems to be stuck at age 14 in maturity) Hang in there (and I will too) It has to get easier at some point!

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  7. Giggle, I needed this! Yes, it is test time in our home too. Test time and tax time, not a good time to be in the home! I hope you all survive!! LOL.

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  8. My daughter is nearly 14 and what Dobson termed a “strong-willed child.” Usually I tend to think of her in stronger terms. I love her dearly and she has rare moments of angelicness, but I don’t really see a light at the end of the tunnel with her. My son, on the other hand, is 19 and still a real smart mouth, but he has learned the value of studying and working hard, though only at things he is interested in (which might not be so dumb). He’s also developed a love of reading in the last few years and we share books and discuss them all the time. So maybe there is hope.

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  9. Mel, I hate to say this but you could be reaping karma from one of your previous incarnations when you perhaps were not such a compliant child.
    I’m just saying… ’cause karma has a huge carryover factor.

    PS: I’m glad you locked him out. Probably made him think a bit and that’s always a good thing.

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  11. Your parents probably made it really clear that talk-back wasn’t going to be tolerated. I suspect you parent differently, yes? You had strict consequences for talking back, your children don’t??

    My parents allowed us to talk back, voice our opinions and speak our mind. Of course, they did draw the line — and we knew there were strict boundaries too. But we could voice our opinions.

    I think it served us well. All the way through childhood, I questioned everything. It’s a great critical think trait you are fostering — believe it or not!

    Look at the positive, perhaps draw in some more boundaries and blend the two 🙂

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  12. Hey Sister! As you know from my recent trauma….it don’t get no easier. So much for the encouragement of your Christian sister! ha! BUT…..I can tell you this….I’ve actually lived through a worse hell and seen God turn things around….incredibly…….so this too shall pass! It’s funny how the tables turn as they get older….the physical exhaustion does indeed subside (chasing toddlers is truly exhausting)…but….the emotional exhaustion makes that seem to pale in comparison. Thanks for sharing and finding humor in every situation. Love ya!
    grace

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