You can run but you cannot hide

So, as it turns out, when you move you carry along all the clutter that has accumulated in your head, all the slights and rejections and misunderstandings and hurts and unmet expectations.  And the unanswered questions.

But, of course, I can’t really discuss much of that here because it has come to my attention that the Internet is quite a bit less private that those spiral notebooks I used to fill with my youthful angst.

You know what else you can’t really discuss on a public blog?  Your kids, once they reach a particular age.  And if you are a mother who lives full-time with kids, what else are you to discuss?

Certainly not the teenager who will agree to go to the beach but who refuses to actually get out of the van.

Being a mother of older children is complicated.  Boy, isn’t that a nice sanitized way to putting it?  I love my kids and I would do anything for them–short of buying them a new video game–but some days I wonder if anything I’ve ever said or done has made any sort of positive impact on them.

For instance, even though I have asked approximately eight billion times, they still do not think to wash the pans they’ve used to cook macaroni and cheese.  I feel like a failure.

The other day, I discovered a broken piece of glass in the kitchen sink . . . but not the actual glass it broke from.  No one would confess, either, so I went outside to the trash can and SURE ENOUGH, I found the broken glass.  What?  I am the kind of mom that kids feel they must hide broken glasses from.  But really, I just want information.  Who broke it?  Why?  When?  How?  I do not want to mete punishment–accidents happen–but I want to know the details.  Is that too much to ask?

Do you know what I lost?  My paring knife.  It disappeared long before we moved but since we have moved and I have touched every single item in my household as I packed it, I know that it is gone.  How does that happen?

I’ll tell you how.  It happens when you live with kids.  At least blaming kids offsets the exasperation.

As it turns out, four weeks after leaving my house in Steilacoom, I have way too many boxes in the garage and stacks and stacks of unsorted and unorganized books in my office.  I haven’t hung anything on the walls yet so it seems like we’re living in someone else’s house, kind of.

But I have an office.  My very own office with a patio door and a television and a door I can close.  It’s pretty exciting considering I worked almost four years smack dab in the center of the family room.  Working at home is the best of all worlds but also the worst of all worlds.  Imagine working in an office with four kids and their friends traipsing through and playing electric guitars while you try to do your office job.

But the books everywhere?  And the four boxes on the floor?  And the empty walls?  All of it is making me kind of discouraged.

The moral of this lesson?

Wherever you go, there you are.  And so is your stuff.  And the mishmash of crazy in your head.

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You can run but you cannot hide

10 thoughts on “You can run but you cannot hide

  1. Oh, honey, how I hear you on this one. At least, once our mortgage debacle was settled and we moved in, I had a few weeks before my d-i-l went to work to get our house ‘settled’. Tho, as I’ve mentioned before, I’m still missing a few things, too. But I hope to recover those when my daughter moves into her own place next weekend and her boxes are all sorted out of the garage…I think maybe that might be where my mugs and jewelry box might be hiding. Anyway…take heart, Mel. I know you’ve done cross-country moves before so this is nothing new for you. Even so, we women are nesters and want our nests cozy and comfortable ASAP. But you haven’t had a chance to catch your breath yet, what with still working full time and deadlines and all that fun stuff. But as you said about your life is still your life, so true. And that stuff will be sorted out. Who cares if it happens today or tomorrow? Just take it a day at a time. It’s all we’re promised anyway.

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  2. Exactly! When you live alone and all that is to blame is the sweet little four legged creature that enhances your life…who do you blame then …OH I know ….the elves ….. LOL …
    I moved into this new rural Arkansas home last August and I promise you it “took forever” to unpack ..simply b/c there were soooo many boxes …..
    I like what MissKriss stated, who cares if it happens today or tomorrow …just one day at a time

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  3. Julana says:

    It gets better. :-). Just keep your eyes on the one next thing to unpack, and keep the hydration handy and a littlw treat every so often. Go to youtube and listen to lyle lovett sing “if I had a boat.” It helps.

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  4. vivian says:

    this is one reason i hope to never move again….and another reason to be happy my kids are on their own…and the best reason to live alone!! did i mention i have issues haha…
    hang in their mom!

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  5. Okay, confession time…

    A few months ago, I stumbled upon your blog through a link of a link of a link. I can’t really remember how I got here. But I found it interesting, which led me to clicking on your favorite posts, which led me to reading one that apparently pushed some of my buttons, which led me to writing a post on my own blog in a sort of response to it.

    Over the next few weeks, I kept finding myself being drawn back here in spite of myself. Eventually I realized that I really like your blog and added it to my RSS feed! I normally like to add all blogs I read regularly to my blogroll, but I found myself in an awkward position, because if you are anything like me, you notice when someone has added you as a link and I wasn’t sure I wanted you coming over to see the post I had written in response to your post. Sigh.

    But this post here today has pushed me to the point that I just have to comment. I love this post. I am so right where you are. I have found having teenagers to be the loneliest time of my life so far. There are so many fine lines to walk and I am so busy that there is not much time for anything. I love my children very much but this time of life is utterly exhausting! And so very lonely. I find that connecting with others who are where I am is good for the soul. Thank you for helping me to connect for a moment today.

    I love your blog. 🙂

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  6. This is why we’ve vowed to stay put until the last one is at least 20.

    It’s bad enough moving, and it’s bad enough dealing with teenagers… but both? You deserve a medal and a party.

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  7. I can’t blog the head stuff either. Just like you said, too public. Our move takes place Monday. No answers here, like you, but hoping the ten months on the market helped me to work through it so I don’t have that baggage taking up space at the next place. Time will tell.

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  8. I’ve been blogging for SEVEN years now.
    It has become impossible to blog like one could seven years ago. I REALLY miss that.
    Have I mentioned lately that I LOOOOOVE having adult children? LOVE it. You’ll get yourself some soon enough – I promise. It happens.

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  9. She-Ra says:

    Just heard from hubby that the movers finished unloading the truck and all our boxes upon boxes of stuff are there at the new place waiting for me to come deal with them. Yuck! Maybe I’ll have to take a wrong turn somewhere along the way…

    Glad to hear you have an office in your new home – yay!

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