When you don’t want what you get

I cleaned out the coat closet today.  I removed coats from the rack on the back of the front door.  I stripped the coats from the coat trees.  The entryway looks bare.

I feel like I’m dismantling our life here one coat tree at a time.

Then I cleaned out the tall sturdy four-drawer metal filing cabinet.  Three drawers are empty now, so I was able to push, pull, and rock it into a more suitable place in the storage room.  I ran out of energy or I would have transferred items from the two-drawer filing cabinet into the empty drawers of the four-drawer cabinet . . . so I can rid myself of the tw0-drawer cabinet.  That’s a task for another day.

I am giving away the items I’ve cobbled together here in this life, in this house.  Anyone want the top bed from a bunk bed set?

I rolled up the deflated swimming pool and shoved it into a too-small packing box.

I have never lived in this sort of blank space before . . . inhabiting a life which will break into a thousand pieces and float away, leaving me to cling to its wreckage.

Oh, wait!  That makes it sound like moving is a bad thing.  And it’s not.  It’s a good thing.  But we’ve been here so long that it feels a lot like loss rather than progress.

A few months ago, after I heard about several friends my age who are adopting, I said to my husband, “Why would anyone do that?  Why would you want to disrupt your life and adopt at this age?”

Even as I spoke those words, I realized that our own lives are being disrupted . . . and that disruption and change is part of life.

If disruption and change were offered in a buffet, I would never scoop a helping of them onto my plate.  But life seems more like a cafeteria line and you get a serving of everything, whether you like it or not.

And sometimes you don’t know what’s good for you.

2 thoughts on “When you don’t want what you get

  1. I hear ya’ Mel!

    We recently moved. I was at my new job at The Plant Farm & my husband had to do ALL of the packing by himself. The WHOLE household! Talk about disruption! We just never know what life will dish out to us! I still don’t know where everything is but you know what? I’ve realized that I don’t really care! & after nearly 28 years of taking wonderful care & spoiling my hubby, I’m content to let him take care of me. It feels really good!

    We lost our house (victims of the economy) & as sad as it was because our hearts were there & we had started from raw land & made it the way we wanted it & loved it~ It was just a house & land… I told Dean that it doesn’t matter where we lay our heads at night as long as we’re together! I meant it! We were even 2 days away from being homeless because nobody will rent to you when you are losing your home. I was ready to make up the bed in the back of our truck & park in the parking lot at work. Honeslty. I wasn’t even worried. At all. Truly. Maybe I was numb but I knew I would be cared for & in the end I was. God IS awesome! The important things in our life are the people around us not the stuff. I have seen that nowmore than ever.
    Two months ago I got layed off from my job over the phone while I was sick. I thought it sucked but deep down I was overjoyed at being able to spend time with my hubby again. We had missed each other so much during my long workdays. We had worked together every day for 16 years so it was tough. We now face lack of funds again but I am trusting that God has big plans for us & we WILL be fine. So~ hang in there Mel! You too will survive! 🙂


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