I have a special gift of taking things personally. This was a problem for me in the early years of my marriage because whenever my husband would say something, I could take it personally and thus, give him the Silent Treatment for no good reason at all. Other than my giftedness.
He said something yesterday and now that I’m 45, I just looked at him, considered whether to Take It Personally, and then decided to stop it. Just. Stop.
“I considered taking that personally, but I’m just too tired.”
And that was that.
Though I do admit that I pondered his words and I considered beating myself up–how can one just refuse to Take It Personally when one is gifted?
(What did he say? I know you’re wondering . . . I was complaining–I am also an exceptionally gifted complainer–and he said, “You know, some moms actually like doing all that stuff.” And I . . . decided not to take that as an insult. Because, really, he’s right. Right? Some moms go happily berserk creating things and planning things and wrapping things and filling a hundred and twenty eggs with wrapped candy for the backyard Easter Egg Hunt. But me? I do that stuff but it makes tired and wears me out. And so I said, “You know, holidays were a lot more fun before I was the Mom.” Which is true.)
Frankly, I thought I would love doing all the mom-stuff more than I do. Then again, I never thought I’d be such an old mom, nor did I think I’d be a full-time working mom. Life surprised me.
But I’m not Taking It Personally.
8 thoughts on “Taking It Personally”
After 20 years of being The Mom, I’ve lost my enthusiasm for a lot of this stuff, too. When my 13-year-old didn’t want to dye Easter eggs this weekend, I felt a twinge of guilt, but mostly relief.
Good for you for not taking it personally. I don’t know if I could have been so big about it, especially since that’s an area I feel some guilt about. Before I had kids I thought all that stuff sounded like fun. Now that I have them it all just means more work for me. Crafts, etc all sound so much better in theory than they are in practice. Coming from another old, working-full-time mom.
I’m sitting right next to you, Mel. I sometimes wonder what my kids will remember when they look back on their childhoods.
I’ve been amazed by how much time it takes to organize/set up/clean up a craft, and how little time they actually spend on it (painting, dyeing eggs, making an ornament – always done in a flash). I do wish that was different – maybe it would seem more worthwhile. (Yet another mom who works full-time and doesn’t lunch, shop, or exercise with the other moms, and keeps having to remind them all that I work.)
Hey! As a young Grandma I can understand your tiredness. I did not color eggs but I did get ready for guests staying over & did some baking & prep a lot of stuff for Easter dinner at our house. After 24 years of wondering if my own baby was coloring Easter eggs (since he was adopted into his own family) I still have not done it. I am privileged to be GREAT friends with him now & get to see my granddaughter Tessa about once a year on Easter (it just works out that way). Having a 3 1/2 year old in the house for 3 days was enough to throw me into pure exhaustion! She is adorable & I’m SO GLAD to be a part of her life!! I commend you for ALL that you do!! It exhausts me just thinking about a full time motherhood!!!!!
I’m glad you decided not to take it personally!! I think the times are SO DIFFERENT now than they were when we were young. I often wish we could go back in time. It WAS FUN being a kid in our day & doing all of the holiday stuff!! It’s still fun now but I think at our age we were meant to be lounging on the beach in Tahiti by now! Not overdoing it in the kitchen. You know? I’m tired too! Can’t we just run away for a rest? 🙂
I finally learned that to a kid a ‘craft’ is something THEY think up. Sure, I still buy all the ‘crafting with kids’ books I find at the thrift store, but yesterday? My grandson had the time of his life making ‘flags’ with a used straw, the wrapper from an Easter tootsie-roll and a one inch piece of tape.
He did it ALL himself (he’s four) while I lay on the couch sicker than a dog trying to keep his two younger siblings from killing themselves.
All that to say, in the scope of eternity there will be no grade for crafts.
I have to agree. Once upon a time I never thought I would BE a mom. Then I thought I’d be the best mom ever….all June Cleaver/Donna Reed-esque. Guess what, I’m no good at domestication. I also figured, since I had such a love of all things crafty, that I would just loooove doing those things with my kids (mind you I once thought I would have more than one!). I hate it, I really do. Like you, I will DO it, because I need to, and because it gives my son great joy, but it doesn’t mean I have to LIKE it! And seriously, holidays WERE more fun before I was a mom.
Interesting insight on the “taking it personally” gift. While I don’t practice this myself, someone I love deeply does. And I have gotten silently treated a number of times, through what I believe to be perfectly innocent remarks. Of course, my gifts lie in the “foot in mouth” category, so she and I make quite a pair.