I can’t sleep.
I’ve used to pride myself on my ability to sleep soundly. I once slept through a hurricane in the Outer Banks. The girls in my college dormitory never kept me awake. My husband’s snores never bothered me.
And now? I go to bed at 1:30 a.m., arrange myself carefully in my nest of pillows, close my eyes and lie awake. Sometimes a parade of unhelpful thoughts march through my mind. Oh yes, I do need to send off the paperwork to the tax guy. I mustn’t forget to make that phone call. Why haven’t I scheduled my mammogram and dental cleanings?
Then I put a halt to those thoughts. I roll over, carefully so I don’t disturb my slumbering husband. I have to lug my body pillow to the left of me, so my roll is something of a three-point-turn. Finally, back in the pillows, this time facing the left and my clock radio which emits a yellowish light.
I rotate the clock radio away so the light isn’t in my eyes. I tuck the covers under my chin. I must breathe fresh cool air all night. Feet must be under covers, nose must be free.
At that point, if I’m very lucky, I sleep.
But this week, at that point, I begin to hack up a lung. I try to muffle the sounds so the snores continue their rhythm. I settle back down and begin to cough again.
Lather, rinse, repeat, every ten minutes.
Finally, I wonder if the DayQuil will help and I stagger to the bathroom to swallow those gigantic orange capsules. (We have no Nyquil. The cough syrup I found in the cabinet expired last November. I am doomed.) It’s past 3 a.m.
Then I wake up and it’s 7 a.m. so I must have slept.
Tonight–soon–when I crawl into bed, I will remind myself that tomorrow I should buy some cough medicine . . . and then I’ll remember that I forgot to schedule my mammogram . . . and then I’ll decide lying on my right side is what is keeping me awake, so I’ll make a quarter-turn, lug my body pillow to the left, make another quarter-turn, nestle my head on my down pillow, make a final quarter-turn and start coughing. And so the adventure that used to be Sleep begins.
I just can’t wait.
7 thoughts on “I have lost my ability to sleep”
You’re 45, right? I was right around that age when the perimenopausal insomnia started rearing its ugly head. For 3-4 years I’m not even sure I slept, ha! Or should that be ‘boo hoo’?! Anyway, I’ve discovered the most marvelous stuff in the world in the past 6 months called Menoquil for menopausal symptoms. All natural. No side effects. And, Mel, it really works. It would be relatively spendy if I took the 4 pills I can take each day but I find one just before bedtime, sometimes an additional one early in the morning if I wake up with that familiar ‘edgy’ feeling, does me just fine. I dunno what is in it that causes you to just ease on down into sleep, but it does. I hardly ever have a sleepless nite any more. I noticed improvements within a week or so of starting them.
I buy a bottle with 120 pills every 4 months so it equals out to around $10 per month. Worth. Every. Penny. I’ve recommended it to friends and they’ve been having good results from it, too. Helps with mood swings, nite sweats – which REALLY plagued me – and hot flashes.
That stinks. Sleep is such a great thing, when it can be had and when it’s good and deep. I don’t remember the last time I slept soundly and woke up truly refreshed, but I usually don’t have trouble falling asleep at night. Staying asleep is another matter. Hope you find something that works for you.
I have always had trouble sleeping. The fan noise helps some but I have to have the TV on with The Waltons or Green Acres or something mildly quiet to keep my mind occupied. I set the sleep timer on the TV for 30-60 minutes & hope I fall asleep before it shuts off. If I don’t I find myself tossing & turning thinking of everything I did or need to do. It’s awful & it wont shut off!! I try to remember to take melatonin & sometimes I take Tylenol PM which makes me sleep really sound & also helps the backache.
I hope you sleep better tonight!!
P.S. I have taken expired cough medicine to help my coughing to calm down for sleep. I did not die.
I could have written this post word for word. It is like you can hear my thoughts. By the way when the coughing strikes I always go sleep on the couch (so I can sleep more upright)and I take a meletonin and nyquil, if that doesn’t work it’s time for another round of anitbiotics. So fun!
miss you friend. Sorry about the sleep issue.
You too, eh? I was in four different places last night: chair, couch, guest bed, our bed.
It’s horrible not to be able to fall asleep. I hope you are sleeping MUCH better by now