I took my kids shoe-shopping. The 10-year old needed football cleats, so first we went to a sporting goods store. We had two choices and each box in his size had only one shoe. So, I sent one of my kids to find an employee.
Meanwhile, my 5-year old is running laps. I directed a 15-year old to keep an eye on her and before I know it, they are chasing each other around the store, whooping and hollering and being a nuisance. They were the kind of kids that would provoke a raised eyebrow, an eyeroll and cause me to wonder, “WHERE IS THEIR MOTHER?!” in that special judgmental way I have.
When my twins were younger, they could not be still while shopping. They’d climb under racks of clothes, they’d poke each other, they would disappear. They would tackle each other, shriek and annoy me until I broke out in a sweaty rage. And, lo and behold, great tidings of anything but joy, they still do it. They still joke around and put each other in headlocks and block the aisle.
After an epic struggle, we bought a pair of cleats and headed to Famous Footwear, my favorite shoe-store. I love that store because they have excellent clearance racks and they send me coupons based on how many shoes I’ve purchased. Also, they have a buy one, get on half-off sale. (Once, I bought a $5-on-clearance pair of shoes with a $5 coupon.) Since I must shod eight feet, that’s where we go.
This time, Grace veered immediately toward the girl shoes, so I gave the teenage boys instructions: “First, check the clearance rack for your size. If they don’t have what you like, check the regular shelves. But watch the price.” They were to each get two pairs: one for gym class and one for every day.
To my surprise, they each picked out reasonable shoes at reasonable prices without my assistance. This was a first. Meanwhile, Grace found two pairs she liked, so all in all, I purchased six pairs of school shoes, plus a pair of cleats. And I will not have endure that again for another year.
* * *
Last night, Grace and I were watching “Unwrapped,” a show about how snack foods are made. The segment was about beef jerky. “Beef turkey,” she said and I corrected her. “No, it’s beef jerky.”
She paused and said, “Beef jerky? What is that? Beef that is a jerk?” And then she laughed and laughed a contagious laughter that had me giggling along, wiping my eyes at her hilarity. When she simmered down I said, “And there’s also turkey jerky.” She found that equally amusing and we laughed some more.
She’s been having nightmares lately and has been waking me up two or three times in the pre-dawn darkest hours. I am not Ma Ingalls of Little House on the Prairie fame and I do not respond with any sort of grace in the wee hours of the night. I’m not sure what incentive she even has to wake me up repeatedly because I am not happy at all to see her before 8 a.m., and at 3 a.m., I am downright annoyed. Last night, I stepped on the pointy end of a plastic doll pacifier and screamed in pain. I fell asleep to the rhythm of my throbbing arch.
I wonder what Ma Ingalls would have done? She wouldn’t have left scattered toys on the floor, I bet.
If you could be a mom of literary, television of movie fame, who would you be? And why?
Actual Unretouched Photo 
I would like to think I am the mom from Father Knows Best, but it is more like the mom from Malcom in the Middle.
I am sitting here looking out the window to the back yard at swimsuits and towel all over, on the floor, on the chair. Legos in the grass, toy and trash all around, thinking, this mom thing and picking up after these kids is hard work and constant. Most of the time I let it go and deal with it later and I too step on a toy in the middle of the night.
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I’m still laughing at the post title; it could be my daughter! She’s 21, loves shoes, and claims that Beef Jerky should be a main food group – in college dorms, at least.
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If I COULD be anyone, it would be Annie from 7th Heaven… just love that character. But I am probably more like Roseanne. lol.
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Your Grace (your daughter) and *your* grace crack me up. Last time we were at Famous Footwear I think I convinced every customer to never have kids. And I lost my sunglasses in there, too. I have no idea what Mom I’d want to be… I should think about that one.
Steph
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I have to answer this question because I really, really, would like to be this Mom of TV fame……….Missy from Hazel. You don’t have to ask why if you know the show. Missy had “Hazel”. She had a great figure and great skirts and heels. She could throw great dinner parties for Mr. B that Hazel made look effortless. What a gig. Long-time reader. First-time commenter.
Janet
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I can think of lots of cool moms that I want to be like, but none of them are famous for much of anything, except maybe writing really great blogs.
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I would want to be June Cleaver.
How fun would it be to have two boys and a kitchen that absolutely NEVER was messy?
And, now that I am old and Ward younger than I am now, I think he is kind of cute.
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I wish I was June Cleaver, the reality is something more like Roseanne ;).
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Ok, from TV-land, I’d be the mom from Family Ties. Elyese Keaton? Yes, I think so.
A movie mom I’d like to be is played by Bonnie Hunt on Cheaper by the Dozen. She had 12 kids and didn’t look one bit frazzled. I have only one, and can’t seem to pull it together each day.
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I’d be the mom from the cell phone commercial who gets mad when she sees the rollover minutes in the trash.
“Some people don’t have rollover minutes!”
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My husband calls me Lisa from Green Acres, not because I look like her, but because I can’t cook! At all! Except for cupcakes. And cookies. Ahem.
As far as my relationship with my kids, ages 21 in the USMC and 12, I would be Ma Ingalls. I am long suffering. I have always put their needs before my own. But… OH how I LOOK FORWARD to the DAY my last child is GROWN! And I can DO what I want to DO!!!!! 6 years and 3 months!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I’ll join you in your late rising hours!!!!
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Well my mother’s personality always reminded me of Clair on the Cosby Show. I hope I’m as quick to think as she has always been.
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I know this show was only on a couple of seasons and it was a long time ago…in the 70s? But I like to think I was something like Sada Thompson’s “Kate” on there. Dignified, rarely flappable, wise. I think I might be a little like her…during a family crisis we went thru a few years ago my son, around 26 at the time, told me I’m the most intelligent and wise person he knows. My CHILD said that!! I still think that’s one of the most wonderful compliments I’ve ever received.
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If I could be a wife and mom from TV, I’d want to be Jill on “Home Improvement.” She’s always 3 steps ahead of Tim and the boys, has a great sens of humor and looks terrific!
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