Open Letters

Dear Stupid Driver:

Please use your turn signal when you intend to turn. Doing so will prevent me from freaking out and calling you names while I avoid crashing. Please! Use the blinker! The blinker is easy to use–just use your little pinky finger–and I promise, fewer people will be screaming at you if you simply display a little courtesy–and a tiny blinking light.


The lady in the blue van

* * *

Dear Children:

Stop talking to me. Stop bickering. Stop tattling when your bickering turns into a brawl. Go away.



* * *

Dear Guy at Sports Authority:

You are not helpful. Thanks for nothing.


The fortysomething woman with no make-up on who just wants to buy a bike

* * *

Dear Frangos:

I love you. Please, stay wrapped in your plastic until December 22 when I am done eating only the food on the PureFoods Fresh Start program. Don’t go away. Just wait for me.


The Chocoholic

* * *

Dear Cats,

Stop pooping. I don’t want to clean out your litter-box ever again.


The Pooper-Scooper

* * *

Dear Manufacturer of Christmas Tree Lights,

My lights are dead. I bought them two years ago. What gives? Is this a conspiracy so I have to buy more every year? I am annoyed with you.


The Grinch

* * *

Dear Saturday,

Finally, we have a whole day to spend together. Let’s not be strangers. I’ll see you tomorrow!


Stir-crazy near Seattle

7 thoughts on “Open Letters

  1. As to the lights, I started saving a lot of money on replacing lights when I started buying light fuses. There’s usually a fuse inside the plug that is replaceable… a way to help all of us that string more than the recommended 3 together.
    And you said the F word! Now I’ll be hallucinating about Frangoey goodness all day.


  2. Ah, the blessings of being a mother with her family grown. I don’t have to put up a tree! And since I take care of my grandson, a very active little guy, full time that’s fine with me.


  3. One year in frustration at having to repack all of those lights I threw them away, vowing to buy all new the next year. Of course, I forgot, until the tree was up and the children were ready to hang the ornaments. And yes, we did go out Right Then and buy more. Now, I have a pre-lit tree. I put it up in 10 minutes. Hooray! Hope your weekend improves.


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