Open Letters

Dear Stupid Driver:

Please use your turn signal when you intend to turn. Doing so will prevent me from freaking out and calling you names while I avoid crashing. Please! Use the blinker! The blinker is easy to use–just use your little pinky finger–and I promise, fewer people will be screaming at you if you simply display a little courtesy–and a tiny blinking light.

Sincerely,

The lady in the blue van

* * *

Dear Children:

Stop talking to me. Stop bickering. Stop tattling when your bickering turns into a brawl. Go away.

Love,

Mom

* * *

Dear Guy at Sports Authority:

You are not helpful. Thanks for nothing.

From,

The fortysomething woman with no make-up on who just wants to buy a bike

* * *

Dear Frangos:

I love you. Please, stay wrapped in your plastic until December 22 when I am done eating only the food on the PureFoods Fresh Start program. Don’t go away. Just wait for me.

Warmly,

The Chocoholic

* * *

Dear Cats,

Stop pooping. I don’t want to clean out your litter-box ever again.

Sincerely,

The Pooper-Scooper

* * *

Dear Manufacturer of Christmas Tree Lights,

My lights are dead. I bought them two years ago. What gives? Is this a conspiracy so I have to buy more every year? I am annoyed with you.

Ho-ho-no,

The Grinch

* * *

Dear Saturday,

Finally, we have a whole day to spend together. Let’s not be strangers. I’ll see you tomorrow!

Signed,

Stir-crazy near Seattle

Advertisements
Open Letters

7 thoughts on “Open Letters

  1. Brianne says:

    As to the lights, I started saving a lot of money on replacing lights when I started buying light fuses. There’s usually a fuse inside the plug that is replaceable… a way to help all of us that string more than the recommended 3 together.
    And you said the F word! Now I’ll be hallucinating about Frangoey goodness all day.

    Like

  2. Ah, the blessings of being a mother with her family grown. I don’t have to put up a tree! And since I take care of my grandson, a very active little guy, full time that’s fine with me.

    Like

  3. One year in frustration at having to repack all of those lights I threw them away, vowing to buy all new the next year. Of course, I forgot, until the tree was up and the children were ready to hang the ornaments. And yes, we did go out Right Then and buy more. Now, I have a pre-lit tree. I put it up in 10 minutes. Hooray! Hope your weekend improves.

    Like

You know you want to comment here:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s