About my funeral

My teenagers have a teenage boy over spending the night. No matter what I threaten, they are unable to maintain any sense of quiet. And their room smells like a can of onion-flavored Pringles, though I am certain we do not have any Pringles in the house.

I want to write a lovely little tribute to my kids (something like this), but instead, I’m obsessed with mentally planning my funeral. I know! What is wrong with me? Well, I attended a funeral a few weeks ago which made me realize that I have some definite ideas about my own funeral and how it ought to be planned. And then this week, a local man died at home quite suddenly . . . as in, his daughter found him dead when she returned home from school. He was fifty.

So, instead of thinking up cute ideas to write here, I think about what songs I want played at my funeral.

Okay, how about this, instead?

My boxwood hedge has a boy-shaped hole in it. All the boys were playing some kind of shoving-tackling game (I believe called “Kill Me”) and someone landed in the hedge right by my front door. I’m not sure my hedge can recover from this sort of abuse.

Tomorrow I’m going to spend the morning scrap-booking. And I hope to eat lunch in a restaurant. Maybe I’ll return my overdue library books. These are my dreams.

(Also, tell me that I’m not the only not-quite-middle-aged woman planning pondering her own funeral.)

About my funeral

16 thoughts on “About my funeral

  1. The Other Elle says:

    You are not the only one, believe me!

    I think it’s one of the side-effects of the tragic Anna Nicole story. A lot of us are thinking that we’d better make sure our wishes are down in writing somewhere, or we chance ending up being buried in Hoboken, just because there was space in GreatUncle Waldo’s plot.

    I’m telling EVERYONE in my family what I want for my funeral. With my luck, my husband will have been watching ESPN over my shoulder and won’t have been listening, and I’d end up with a song like Wham’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go.”

    Have a fun Saturday.


  2. I’m not even close to middle aged, only 31, and I’ve thought about it a couple times. Usually after a funeral or when I am remembering someone I’ve lost and I went to their funeral. In my case, seeing as I am single, I wrote it down and put it with my “important papers.” I thought that was really morbid until I found out several of my single friends (male and female) in my age bracket had all done something similar.

    Nothing wrong with it at all…

    As long as we aren’t dwelling on it constantly, right?


  3. I happen to KNOW that I do not want to be buried in a pink ball gown with rhinestones. No tiera either.

    I also do not care who I am buried near, as I don’t expect we will be doing much talking anyway.

    Yes, I too think about such things. WAY too much.


  4. No, you are not the only one! My husband owns an insurance agency, and sometimes it’s all we talk about. We even have it on paper. So there. I also wanted to add: THANK YOU for writing a blog that makes me feel like a normal mom. I know when I come here I will not feel inadequate for wanting some time to do things I like to do. I don’t sew curtains, or make huge family meals. I clean house only when forced by lack o dishes or underwear. So thank for being normal and not being afraid to write about it! Mary!
    ps… don’t bother with my blog, I haven’t updated in ages! -M


  5. Nope your not alone – my preoccupation wasn’t fueled by anything in real life though. Mine is all about Anna Nicole. I would hate to see my loved ones fight over my wishes. Time to jot them down, even though I have always been very vocal about what I wanted and didn’t want (use to work in a funeral home). I have had my songs picked for years “Home Free” by Wayne Watson and New Jerusalem. I have the whole thing mapped out down to the second…and I am only 34.


  6. I am only 34. However my husband knows there is a file on the computer that has instructions on what songs to play, what the service is to be like, all the funeral details actually. I have had this detail planned for around 5 years. I mad my husband do one. My family all know the files are there in case we both go at once. I have very particular ideas on what I want and just know if I left it to other people it’d be some sad event… this was if the worst happened, there’d at least be music I like played and a fun element to it!


  7. MJ says:

    I am only 34 also and I just recently underwent head/ear surgery that required me to be under anesthesia for 5 hours so being the morbid one that I am, I organized all the life insurance, funeral arrangements, will, living will, etc. for my poor shell shocked husband. You don’t want to think that way but when you have children, you have to prepare for the worst. Having never really talked about this type of thing before, both my husband and I talk about how we feel better knowing what the other wants things handled. Just a little peace of mind.


  8. You can’t kill shrubs. It took hedge clippers, a Rotozip, an ax, a torn rotater cuff, and finally fire to remove one of our shrubs! If your boys killed one of yours, send them my way, we have a few more that need taking down.

    As for funerals, when we go to a funeral for someone, I discuss things (again) with my dh. I want the cheapest dang coffin they have (pine box is FINE). Skip the flowers. I want to be buried in sweat pants. I don’t want to be wearing shoes. I want to be buried with my curious george stuffed animal I’ve had since I was three. I don’t want slow, drawn out, boring music. And for goodness sake, if you’re going to have food after it, get GOOD food, not cheap deli meat! HA!

    Who the heck cares? I’ll be dead! ๐Ÿ™‚


  9. I was at the Costco website the other day and was surprised to see a “funeral” button near the top. I clicked.

    Yep, they sell caskets at bargain prices and even overnight ship. I told my husband to get my casket from Costco. If we go executive, he’ll get 3% back.

    He didn’t think it was funny, but I did.


  10. Laura says:

    My funeral has been planned for a long time (I’m 41). DH and I have talked lots about this – in my case, my mom was always planning her funeral (she’s alive and kicking, despite 40 years of total abuse of her body – a huge smoking habit, alochol abuse, zero exercise, a sweet tooth and no (I mean zero) doctor or dentist visits for 40 years) when I was growing up. It’s a hobby. ๐Ÿ™‚


  11. Marianne says:

    For funerals, I don’t know. Have me cremated and buried in Disney World somewhere(that is my favorite place in the world, why I don’t know warm, happy and fun.) Then have a big party remembering me. It is funny when I was younger I was like okay if I die I know where I am going. But now that I have kids I still know where I am going I just don’t wnat to leave them behind, I want to see every moment of their lives.
    As for boys and the hedge, God please help me I have 3 boys. They are little now but one day they will be big. They get into enough stuff as it is.


  12. It’s funny that Anna Nicole has touched more lives since her death than she ever did in life…

    I also think about my funeral. My family knows that I want daisies on my casket, and I want everyone to wear bright colors and not black. They know the music I want played, and they know that after the funeral, I don’t want the usual reception, instead I want them to have a party that celebrates my life.

    Don’t worry – you’re not alone in thinking about your funeral – I think it’s something many women do.


  13. I did the whole funeral thing in writing after Terri Schaivo. That mess really scared the bejeepers out of me. I don’t want my family wrangling over my right to live or die, especially when they didn’t give a darn about me alive! I got living wills for both DH and myself and I filled mine out immediately. Of course he hasn’t, I wonder if that’s just a guy thing? Anyway, along with my living will part, there’s a funeral planning part. So mine is taken care of. I’ve been doing that same thing since I was 10 though, I’m surprised I’m still alive!


  14. Mel – you are NOT the only one. You must be a step ahead of me because I can’t seem to get passed the dying part. I am only coming to some comfort that my folks will actual die. Finding comfort in all of this is new for me. Something about growing up I guess. I posted all about the realities of death in my world here http://mymomtra.blogspot.com/2007/02/fear.html I hope those I love, including me (which is a new member on that list) will be around for a long time. I’m just not good at endings!


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