When I was ten years old, my mother took me to a jewelery store on Colby Avenue in Everett to have my ears pierced. Ever since all the cool girls in fourth grade had their ears pierced, I dreamed of wearing dangling earrings. Who wouldn’t after seeing Ginger Herring wearing that pair of earrings that were tiny bottles containing little dried flowers?
I can’t remember the sting of the actual piercing, nor can I tell you much about the earrings I wore until college when I seemed to have a colorful pair of earrings to match each pair of socks which matched each shirt I owned. (What? You didn’t match your socks to every shirt you owned in the 80s?)
As time went on, I realized I was not much good at accessorizing. When I was newly married, I met a young woman at church named Anne who was the Queen of Accessories. She had beautiful necklaces, carefully chosen earrings, pretty bracelets. I admired her style, but always felt like a child playing with her mother’s jewelry box whenever I added a necklace to my outfit. I generally wore only my wedding band and my engagement ring.
The last four months of my dad’s life, my husband and I lived with him. We’d intended to share housing, never dreaming that my dad would be diagnosed with fatal cancer right before we moved in. Sometimes my dad would receive phone calls at 10:00 p.m. and leave quietly, returning after midnight. I never knew who called or where he went, but he had no curfew and he was an adult, so I pretended not to notice. I always wondered, though.
One of his friends was a gray-haired woman named Helen. I’m not sure how they became friends, but I think he was like a son to her. He told me about the hot-fudge sundaes Helen served him and sometimes, he brought home leftovers. I met her a time or two, but knew virtually nothing about her or about any of my dad’s friends.
He died a few weeks after he turned 47. Soon after his death, a card arrived for me from Helen. In it, she enclosed a hundred dollar bill with instructions that I spend it on myself in memory of my dad.
I kept that money for a long time, pondering what a hundred dollars would buy, should buy. I thought that clothes would fade. I didn’t want to buy something mundane. Flowers die. Plants wither. What should I buy?
I was at a department store when I saw that gold jewelry was fifty percent off.
I spent my hundred dollars on a pair of gold hoop earrings. They are almost an inch in diameter and they’ve been in my earlobes ever since, minus a fancy occasion from time to time when I’d match earrings to an outfit.
When I take the earrings off, I notice how often I reach up and finger those gold hoops. That habitual gesture–touching the earrings, feeling the earrings, twisting them back into place–reminds me of my dad and his friend. I wear them in memory of him. My fingers reach for them without permission or knowledge of my brain.
Fashion trends come and go, but I wear my gold earrings much as I wear my wedding rings. They are a symbol to me of love and honor and remembrance. Even when I don’t consciously think of what they mean to me–the rings or the earrings–they are a physical reminder of commitment and memory.
When I put on a necklace, I usually say “Oh, too much,” and then take it right back off. But the gold hoop earrings? They’re here to stay.
Actual Unretouched Photo 
That’s a lovely way to remember them – a very nice touch.
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Wow, what a lovely thing – both your post, and the original thought from Helen.
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Great entry. Made my spirit smile.
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Lovely, Mel. My daily remembrance of my Dad is a silly grin that flashes across my grandson’s face…I see my Dad in that every time, and what’s funny is, in repose, my grandson doesn’t look anything like my Dad. The generations truly do speak to us.
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How sweet. I’m sure Helen and your dad both approve.
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That’s beautiful Mel. My little sister gave me a pair of diamond studs when I turned 18, and I’ve worn them ever since. (And yes, they are actually diamonds, she’s not that much younger than I am.:) ) She’s offered to buy me a larger pair (they are pretty tiny), but I wouldn’t dream of it. These carry the sacrifice she made to buy them, and the years of experiences since then. What a thoughtful gesture from your dad’s friend, and what a thoughtful way you chose to use it.
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You mean our socks aren’t supposed to match our shirts?? Uh oh!
Like you, I have very little jewelry that I wear, but it is all sentimental, and I almost never change it. I have my engagement and wedding bands, my “Mom” ring with a birthstone for each child, and the diamond earrings my husband gave me. That’s it except for special occasions.
That is so neat that your Dad’s friend thought of you in that way and that you put so much thought into using the money.
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*giggle* yes, I matched my socks to my shirts (even wore the socks over the leggings which showed from under the baggy, long shirts & sweaters of the day. Now, I match my socks to my pants, usually.
You write so beautifully about your Dad and your remembrance of him. Very touching. I’m glad you found something to use the money on that has had lasting meaning for you.
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A very touching post and I’d say the money was well spent. It’s comforting to have a tangible reminder of a loved one…
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We have a lot in common already, but this is another one… or two, as I do admit to matching the socks to the shirts and ear rings!!! Big gaudy pink or yellow or bright green… whatever the shirt/socks called for!
And the hoops. Only I wear silver ones. And I went to the store a few weeks ago and told myself to buy a couple different earrings so I would stop wearing my silver hoops all the time (even though they are so easy to just leave in and they go with everything!) Well, I ended up buying 2 new pairs of silver hoops. LOL. Two different ‘shapes’ though as one is more oval and one are hoops that lay a different way. 😉
I’m not an accessorizer either. LOL.
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Helen, thanks for sharing that great story. I am surprised to hear I am not the only one wearing the same earrings every day. Mine are diamond studs that my husband bought me as a college gradution present as a way to congratulate me on having earned the degree (finally). I had dropped out after high school and went on to have a career and though I was too dumb to go to college. While we were dating he convinced me I could do it and should go back to college if that is what I wanted, so I did it with his support, he was the only one who supported me in that endeavor. So since my graduation day I’ve worn these, taking them off only to wear some costume jewelry for formal occasions, funny also how some cheap fake jewelry can be more dressy than plain diamond studs (which would be more dressier if they were gigantic, but they are not).
I had never seen your blog before, linked through from another blog. Glad I found you. Keep up the writing.
And also shoo away that self-doubt demon.
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