Dear Lady On My Right,
When you came into the movie theater and chose that seat right next to me, I thought, “Good for her. She’s seeing a movie by herself,” because usually I’m the only single female in a movie theater. I think women should claim their freedom and see movies by themselves and stop worrying what other people will think, so I applauded you, silently, in my head. Silently, because we were in a movie theater, a rather crowded theater.
The movie was “The Queen,” and while the film has been nominated for a slew of Academy Awards, I hardly think it was the best movie of the year. (My pick this year? Babel. Last year, I was right about “Crash,” you know or maybe you don’t know since we’ve never met.) Helen Mirren may well win the Oscar, but the film was a bit of a snooze, if you ask me.
Perhaps this is because I was distracted by your constant popcorn shuffling, Lady on My Right. Did you not realize how much noise you were making by scooping and caressing your popcorn and then rattling the paper bag? At times, I could hardly hear the dialogue and since the film was almost entirely comprised of talk-talk-talking, the noise you made was distressing. And that snort of yours? Do you have allergies? And, honestly, the film was less than two hours long and you had to get up, scoot past everyone in our row and go to the bathroom. Do you have a bladder infection?
I wish you well. But next time, I hope you sit on the front row.
Love,
Mel
* * *
Yesterday, a young man came by to install a new light fixture in place of the 1973 chandelier hanging in our dining room (in which we never, ever dine).
My daughter chatted with him, or rather at him, non-stop. I heard her say, “How many are you?” and he said, “How many what?” She said, “How many?” and he said, “Oh, you mean how old? I’m 23.” She asked, “How old will you be at your next birthday?” and he said, “Twenty-four.” Then she informed him that she will be five at her next birthday and I did some math in my head and realized that when she is twenty-four, he will be forty-three. Life sprints on. (I’ll be dead of old age. Okay, not quite.)
Then she said to him, “Do you wear pajamas when you go to bed?” and he said, without hesitation, I might add, “I sure do,” and she said, “I wear pajamas, too. But sometimes I wear a nightgown.”
To think that I used to believe she’d never speak to a stranger. Those were the days. Now, I hold my breath whenever I hear her chatting with anyone, in terror of what she might say.
Actual Unretouched Photo 
Oh, I am SOOO with you about people who make a noise at the cinema! I hate even the smell of sweet popcorn, and the noise made eating it is awful. Though probably not as bad as unwrapping chocolates in crinkly plastic bags and chomping on those. Ugh. Eating ought to have been made illegal in cinemas back when they stopped people smoking.
Sigh. I’m not an intolerant person, really. But if I pay money to see a film, I’d like to be able to concentrate on it. This means I actually visit a cinema about once a year at most – I’d much rather watch a DVD in the comfort of my own living room, with just my family around me (and absolutely no food!)
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Mel, I thought The Queen was a serious waste of time. If it wins Best Picture (I don’t think it will) I WILL SCREAM. Maybe it’s because I lived in England when Di died and heard of nothing else for a year, but I found the movie to be very boring.
Anyway, I think your daughter is adorable. I love to hear little kids chat people up just to hear what they’ll say. “The human head weighs eight pounds!”
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Lucky he answered the way he did, eh! Imagine the conversation that would have followed otherwise…
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It’s so funny to listen to little kids; I nannied for two little boys for several months and one time I locked the windows on the car and the five year old asked why. I told him it was because when I leave them unlocked, he rolls down the window and yells at all the strangers. He got this awed tone in his voice and said “Strangers can have CARS?!”
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We never seem to use our dining room either.
Sorry you didn’t like the movie. I thought it was excellent. I don’t know about best but very, very good IMO. Maybe Canadians know a little bit more about the monarchy and are somewhat more interested? Or maybe not.
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Be careful what you wish for….
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Don’t feel bad, Mel. When my daughter was the same age as Grace I was grocery shopping with her and my son. A legless man was propelling himself around on a skateboard inside the store as he did his shopping and Kaitlin stood and stared at him in fascination and asked me, “Mommy, why doesn’t he have legs?” loud enough for the whole store to hear. And no matter how many times I tried to explain to her, every time she spotted him she’d ask me again. Another time in a hospital ER where I’d taken my husband who had a twisted intestine and the family had gathered while we waited to see if it’d correct itself with some relaxants or if he’d need surgery…well, as the surgeon spoke to me and everyone was listening intently, Kaitlin piped up at the end and said, “Well, if he lives, he lives. If he dies, he dies.” Ah, the logic of a 5 year old! You could’ve heard a pin drop, tho, but that’s my daughter…as practical as they come, even at that young age.
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I love to see movies by myself! Mostly, I admit, sappy chick ficks that make me cry. Sometimes I am the only person in the theater which is great. Anyway, I enjoy your blog.
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I actually really liked The Queen. Remember when she saw the stag and started crying? Well, I totally giggled and Hubba-hubba shot me a dirty look. After the movie, I told him that I was laughing because there she was, blowing her nose into an 800 buck or so Hermes scarf! Ok, maybe only I thought it was funny, but it did illustrate the divide between the queen and most of her subjects, who would never dream of using an Hermes scarf as the scarf in which to walk the dogs.
And, I am in constant fear of what Mr. P says about us. Just that he will say thing so out of context that I am sure it sounds totally bizarre. And, perhaps you just have a budding flirt on your hands! Was he cute?
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Did you see Syriana last year? We just watched it, I’m so confused! lol.
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I saw “Queen” over the weekend. I don’t think it’s Academy Award material, but it certainly presented a different view of the monarchy.
Loved the scenery around Balmoral as well…
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I too hold my breath when the twins start talking to strangers.
“Last night my poop had seeds in it because I ate a lot of pumpkin seeds for snack.”
-Jonas to the cashier at Publix
“My mom doesn’t have a penis. It didn’t break or anything, she doesn’t have one because she is a girl.”
-Tristan to the guy changing the oil at Firestone
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Oh, I loved Stacy’s comment. My favorite thing my 4-your-old recently said (thankfully, she was talking to me) was about a recent bowel movement:
“I just squeezed and squeezed and it popped out.”
We’ll miss these days, eventually.
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