Dear Lady in the Front Row with the Baby,
Don’t feel bad about your baby who cried three times during the 123 minute showing of Marie Antoinette. I felt like crying, too, because that was the most boring movie of all time.
Signed,
Annoyed in the back row
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Dear Lady to the Right Who Made So Much Noise Snacking That I Thought Perhaps You Didn’t Realize You Were at a Movie and Not At Home,
You are an idiot. I would have told you so, too, had I not feared that you perhaps carry a concealed weapon. But, honestly, you inconsiderate lout, why must you rattle your candy and fondle the wrapper louder than an attacking rattlesnake? Are you hearing impaired? Or just stupid?
Sincerely,
Miss Manners
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Dear Sofia Coppola,
I hate, hate, hate the soundtrack for your dull movie, Marie Antoinette. Perhaps I am not your demographic, but that does not matter to me. I hate it. Your movie’s costumes, however, were pretty, but satin alone does not an interesting movie make. I want my money back.
From,
The 41-year old Housewife in the Suburbs
Actual Unretouched Photo 
I had a hunch that movie would be bad.
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Whew. Guess I won’t be going to see that one!
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Kind of a bummer. We are an American family living in Paris and my 11 year old daughter had to read a Marie Antoinette novel for 5th grade and they took a field trip to Versailles. I had told her that I would probably take her to this movie (she was excited because it would have been her first PG-13 movie), but if it is that bad we will probably just skip it. Too much trouble to find a theatre showing the movie in English and too many euro if the movie is lousy!
Thanks for the heads up!
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I always seem to attract the loud candy chomping idiots as well. When we went to see “The Illusionist” the woman one seat away ate and chewed the ENTIRE movie. It was annoying to say the least.
Although, I have to say that we will have to differ on the soundtrack, that is exactly my kind of music.
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I have never been a Kirsten Dunst or whatever-her-name-is fan anyway, so I’m glad I read this. I want to go see “Flags of Our Fathers”. My mom actually knew one of the men who raised the flag on Iwo Jima. Give me the old classics on AMC and TMC or whatever the classic movie stations are called…can you tell I’m not much of a TV watcher?! HA! It’s sad…all the money these new actors and actresses are paid and hardly any of them can act their way out of a wet paper bag. Bah.
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Thanks. I almost went to see it.
And, I just have to ask – I cannot seem to go anywhere without noticing that the majority of people out and about seem to be idiots. I hate to be so judgemental, truly I do, but I just cannot believe it! Idiot people seem to be multiplying at an alarming rate.
I have never in my life been more tempted to scream at people as I have lately.
Poor Marie, she deserved better.
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Thanks for the review. I won’t be buying the video or trying go see it if it is not worth it. Sitting through the movie in the theatre means watching it in Russian and that is too much work for a bad movie!
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Mel,
You are too funny! I think I know the exact ladies you are talking about – I’ve seen them, too! I would also add Little Drummer Boy who tap-tap-taps and kicks on the back of my seat enough to make me turn around and offer up on of those looks, “Please stop or so help me I’m going to throttle you”. Usually it is Candy Wrapper Lady who accompanies Little Drummer Boy to the movie and teaches him the fine art of being rude and making unneccessary sounds and make everyone around them wish they would have stayed home, saved the money and bought the DVD when it comes out!
Thanks the heads-up on this movie. I probably would have wanted to see it when it comes out on DVD. Since you said it was so boring, I’ll probably pass on it now. You are light years ahead of me – going to see the movie IN the theater. I usually only catch them as I see them on sale at Fred Meyer’s for $7! Well, not really, but the last movie I saw in the theater was Pride and Prejudice with Kiera Knightly, about a year ago, very little would have kept me from seeing it then. Ya know, I don’t LIKE the theater, I LOATHE the theater! I like sitting in the comfort of my couch, eating MY popcorn with my family!
So, do tell, what recent movies do you give a hearty thumbs up to? I really want to know!
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Ouch- should have seen The Prestige- I loved it!!
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HA!
Awwww, I was SO looking forward to this movie!
Eh, never mind. I’ll spend an outrageous amount of money to watch it on the big screen and, “let the rest eat cake!” 😉
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Does Mrs. Paper-Rustler have a teenage daughter?
If so, I sat next to her at a showing of the last Star Wars movie…she and her friends knew every line of dialog and recited them right along with the actors onscreen. Totally cracked up several of their other friends, who laughed uproariously for the whole 2 hours and 22 minutes. (Gee, was that all it was? Felt a lot longer.)
I think I will skip Marie. Thanks for the warning.
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Oh, I was hoping that would be a good one. I’m glad for the warning about it, because it looks like it SHOULD be worthwhile. Anything with costumes like those should have a screenplay to match.
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I haven’t seen this movie but saw a clip where Kristen Dunst talked about her new-found affection for Marie Antoinette, how this poor historical figure has been misunderstood and mistreated historically. My impression was that only could a Hollywood starlet who has everything life materially offers feel a that Marie Antoinette was a kindred spirit. I don’t care how much Ms. Coppola remakes the image, it’s hard to ignore the fact that while M.A. lived in luxury her people starved and rioted for food. At the least she must have been stupid, at most a tyrant. Neither appeals to me cinematically. And I didn’t find the soundtrack appealing either.
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This (plus no pause button) is the reason I almost always wait for the dvd.
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Thanks so much for the movie review..it looks so good on the previews~
Sorry that you had such inconsiderate viewers to contend with also!
Have a blessed week!
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Thanks, I was kinda looking forward to it. Guess I’ll just wait for rental-Cheaper & less crowded at our house,
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I really think you should have a job writing movie reviews for the New York Times. I love them.
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I went to see Flicka with dd this weekend. Surprisingly it was a very courteous audience even though it was filled with “tweens” who don’t always know how to sit quietly. It was so distraction-free that I got very involved in the movie and found myself crying at several parts (mostly good-cries)
Although, I must say, I opted to sit in the very center of the back row and so therefore I wasn’t “surrounded” by idiots! 🙂 It’s the first time I’ve done that and I KNOW I’ll be doing it again!! 🙂
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I’m so glad that I’ll be missing this one. And you say it sista! because if I ever get to go to a movie in a real theater, I don’t want to have to listen to the sounds around me; I want to listen to the movie! Sorry you had such a lousy seat mate near you.
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