My daughter was all mine for a long time. On her first Thanksgiving, we went to my mother’s house a few miles away. We planned to eat at precisely her nap-time, so I thought I’d nurse her and lay her down to sleep on my mom’s bed.
My daughter, after three months on earth, declared in her baby-way that she was not happy to see the strange faces–my brother and his wife, my sister and her family, my mother. She revved up her engines, filled up her lungs and began to scream.
I couldn’t calm her. Finally, exasperated and frustrated, I left my other children and drove home with her. Once in a familiar environment, away from other people, she nursed and went to sleep.
From that day on, no one but my husband or I could hold her. When church people peered too closely into her blue eyes, she screamed. She cried if someone touched her. She clung to me like a koala bear in a tree when people stood near.
I hardly ever put her down because she’d cry. I cooked with her perched on my hip, I ate with her slung across one shoulder, I carried laundry baskets with one hand. A friend accused me of never putting her down saying, “She’ll never walk since her feet never touch the ground.” (She walked at eleven months, though.)
No one could take care of her but me (and her daddy, though she’d whimper and ask, “Where’s mommy?” as soon as she could pronounce the right words.) I didn’t spend a night away from her until she was three years and three months old.
She’s never had a babysitter, other than her grandma. (She still won’t let her grandma hold her.) She refuses to stay in the church nursery. She’s never been to preschool.
I would explain to people that she was shy, that she was slow-to-warm-up. She was my fourth child and I knew that I hadn’t made her this way. She simply was who she was. Still, I know people thought I was coddling her and quite possibly, ruining her.
Today, she waved good-bye to me and–at her own request–went to her little friend’s house. (Her friend is almost 2 years old–we have been babysitting him since he was a tiny baby.) Yesterday, she went to her other friend’s house–they’ve been pals since they were a year old. I couldn’t believe that my baby climbed into someone else’s car, buckled up and waved bye-bye.
Both times, when I picked her up, she whined and begged to stay. What happened to my clingy baby? Is she really going to go out into the wide world without me? What is this?
I have such mixed feelings. On one hand, it’s a sort of burden to be the sole source of everything for one small person. The house was so quiet tonight without her constant demands. It was strange to relax without being interrupted every three minutes.
On the other hand, hey! Don’t you miss me? Remember me? Your mommy, the one who held you for hours on end and who woke up every two hours for eleven months to nurse you?
My baby will be four in a week and a half. She’s growing up. She’s practically registered her college courses, gotten a secret tattoo (against my wishes), earned her MBA and met the man she’ll marry. Tomorrow, she’ll probably walk down the aisle and have a couple of kids.
At least it will seem like it.
Actual Unretouched Photo 
You forgot the part where she brings her clingy baby to YOUR house while she goes to work.
Yes. You forgot the GOOD part!
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Haha, I had to laugh at Judy’s comment because she and I are both stay-at-home Grandmas caring for our grandsons. My son was the clingy one of my two…maybe not QUITE as clingy as your Moppet but close enough! Every step away from me was a milestone and I, too, remember that somewhat hollowed-out feeling of “empty arms syndrome” when suddenly I realized I wasn’t the absolute center of his universe anymore. Last nite he called me…he’ll be 28 next month. He’s going thru a very difficult patch in life with work issues and other stuff. We talked for almost an hour and he cried. He doesn’t cry often at all but those tears coming over the phone receiver took me back to the days when it was only my soft croons in his ear that would soothe away the hurts. This post really touched my heart this early morning, Mel. Thank you.
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I am so glad I am not ALONE! My kids have never seen a babysitter other than their grandparents and I just like it this way! And I, too, hear from well-meaning people about the “dangers” of holding a baby too much- but that is just a myth!
Today my oldest baby starts SCHOOL. And I have already been grieving that he doesn’t need me like he used to anymore…
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Oh I agree with Judy… the GOOD part is your child having a child JUST LIKE THEM. Of course, you being the grandma I would hope the child would let you hold them =))
Yep, I really struggle with my youngest growing up. As soon as he could walk and could say “I’m a big boy” (like my two older brothers). And I wanted to say “nope, your my little boy that will never grow up and never leave your Momma”… But now he is 8, and he really is a “big boy”. Sigh… is it too late to have another? (ok slap me I did not say that)… =))
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I recently found your blog and this post just touched me. My youngest is 16 months old and is so clingy. People are always asking telling me I am making her too dependent on me, but I know that I too will be writing this post all too soon! They just grow up so fast.
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My middle daughter (who’s nine now) was alot like that. She’s still the one who will attach herself most often to me. But she’s grown up to be quite independent in alot of ways. It’s bittersweet, but you’ll enjoy the independence it gives you now and then!
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yep, it’s tough to watch them walk away. and yet, it’s just what we’re hoping they can do one day. well, sort of hoping, and one day, meaning way, way in the future. not at 4!! congrats, Mel!!
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Well, all I can say is that clingy babies are great people! (I was one of those clingy babies). Peanut has never really been clingy which kind of saddens me, but then I do like some peace and quite at times and if she’s around there’s no real peace or quite.
But you’re right, little miss Peanut started first grade this fall and is super grown up. She too will be getting married, having kids, graduating college, become the next President, and everything else, tomorrow.
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My daughter was a lot like yours. I was always questioning myself about whether I was doing things right. Now she’s 22 and very independent. I like to think it’s because she felt so secure as a child…..but it would be nice if she’d come home a little more often LOL!
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Your daughter sounds JUST like my eldest son, who has just turned three…..I also tell people that he is ‘slow to warm up’…I know that the steps away from me will gradully become bigger, so I realised that I had to stop worrying and just enjoy it when he wraps his arms around me and says ‘I lub you, Mr Mum’ (don’t know where that came from!).
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