I am impatient. You’d think I would be patient given my long history of infertility, dizzying stint wandering through the maze of adoption resulting in twins . . . and then the unexpected appearance of a baby boy, followed by an even more unexpected girl. (My youngest son not only arrived nine days late, but then he dilly-dallied through a forty-three hour labor before finally putting in an appearance.) Have I learned nothing from all these waiting days?
Well, I’m still impatient. I realized that (again) today while huffing a long-suffering exaggerated sigh at church. My daughter–she’s three and a half–is driving me nuts with her demands and her pace (s-l-o-w) and her new trick of having to be in front of me wherever we go. (I’ll be heading down the stairs and she’ll exclaim, “Wait! I want to be in front!” and I’ll have to stop and wait while she positions herself the perfect distance in front of me so that I am poised to trip and land on my head.) I’m impatient for her to get through this phase.
I’m impatient for the school year to end.
I’m impatient for the day when I will no longer be responsible for wiping other people’s noses and bottoms.
I’m impatient for free time, long, luxurious stretches of thought-time, during which no one interrupts me for a drink of water or a snack of “peeling cheese” (aka string cheese) or Coco-Puffs cereal.
I’m antsy these days, unable to focus. In addition to getting the boys through the final four weeks of school (or die trying!), I am coordinating our church’s Vacation Bible School (VBS) again this year and I haven’t yet ordered the materials. It begins in less than two months. I need to recruit, to plan, to order, to organize, to decorate–did I mention recruiting?
I thought this weekend I’d get my school-at-home records up to date and my order ready for VBS, but the distractions of dirty dishes and sandy floors and six extra boys in the back yard have blocked my accomplishments.
I’m so unfocused that I can’t even seem to get through a book. I started To Kill a Mockingbird weeks ago. My daughter absconded with it and I couldn’t find it for several days, but even when it reappeared, I didn’t resume reading. In the meantime, I started three or four other books and can’t keep reading them. It’s as if my brain can’t get any traction on all those words organized on all those pages. I can’t concentrate.
Tomorrow, I say to myself. Tomorrow. I’ll get the stuff done that must be done. The boys will be at P.E. at the YMCA and I’ll sit right down and not read blogs. No. Instead, I’ll get my VBS order ready and update my school records. (Name it and claim it! she says in faith.)
Time speeds by and yet, I’m still impatient. I think it’s a character trait I have, the flaw of hurrying time along, of wishing this moment was over so I can unwrap what comes next.
Slow down, brain. (I will. As soon as I hurry and finish the tasks I am avoiding. Really.)
Actual Unretouched Photo 
We’ve had the same VBS coordinator every year for as long as I can remember.
Perhaps she shouldn’t do such a great job?
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Funny…I’m impatient too, but have discoverd I’m more patient that I used to be. That’s scary.
I’m another blogging mother (Sane Madness) and just posted about my patience, lack there of and the other infinit thing I seem to have…laughter, usually aimed at my kids (3 of them too). Check it out.
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forgot my blog address! http://www.kimthamer.blogspot.com
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I know exactly what you are talking about. I would love to find the cure for impatience and scattered thoughts, if you find it, let me know.
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The only time I don’t like reading your blog is during the weeks leading up to, and the week of VBS. It bothers me that I can’t jump through my computer screen and help you out! But I can pray for you, and I do. And I also still read your blog even though I get mad on you for taking on the VBS job AGAIN.
I hope you can get back to your books soon!
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Sigh..
My older son is 19 and has left home for a couple of years. My younger son is 17 and most of his studies are independent. He gets his own snacks. He even cooks some meals. He rarely interrupts me for anything. I have hours to read and think… but I still don’t seem to get things done. Sometimes I am SO nostalgic for the early childhood years. I would love to have a child to cuddle, and read stories to, and go for slow, meandering walks with.
Mind you, I don’t miss the nose-and-bottom wiping. Not one bit.
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yeah me too……..
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I remember when my husband was so excited to get a car with a ‘rear-wiper’.
Hey. That’s my job.
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LOL! We could be twins.
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I have five more years of this season of life, one more year (I hope ) of the diaper season, and two more years to adolesant (sp) boy seasons. Boy, sometimes I just want the weather to change a little faster too
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Yeah, I keep telling myself that I’m not going to read the blogs today, but they keep calling to me and I.can’t.resist.
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WHAT is with the walking right in front of you. My children have never verbalized that need, but practice it in public every chance they get. Always makes me think of that cheesy, “Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and GET OUT OF THE WAY (I mean, be my friend. Whatever.)”
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Mel! Your the VBS director? The search for the VBS director has been in our church announcments for about a month, I’ll call and let them know I found her on the internet.
It’s funny how all the women in my church shrink down in the pew when the Christian Ed director asks for volunteers for VBS.
God bless you for taking on that task, I have a whole new admiration for you.
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I have to laugh, my 3.5 year old daughter is in the EXACT same phase this week. Mommy, I have to be in front! AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! I’m not impatient, just lazy, sorry can’t help you out there. 🙂
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I just found your blog…it is REALLY COOL! 🙂
Hope that you can find the time to come by my blog site and please post a comment when you do…I like for those who visit my site to let me know they’ve been there 🙂 (you will need to 1. register (FREE), on the right side of my site before you post…this is just to make your visits more personalized, etc. and then 2. click “Leave Your Comments” back at the regular part of my site on any comments that interests you, and then 3. “Post Reply” once the comments page comes up and type your comment).
I’ll try to visit your site regularly and hope that you visit mine as well! 🙂 God Bless! 🙂
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HA! You started reading a BOOK!!!! I don’t know about impatient, but you certainly are insanely optomistic!
I find myself longing for those long uninterupted hours from time to time, too…but if you really sit back and imagine them – playing them all the way out – you’ll realize these ARE the good old days.
As if you wanted to hear that.
(Please don’t throw any rotten tomatoes at me. It is messy enough over here as it is!)
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hmm, well put, impatient and yet time flies by! and Yeah!! I made the blog in focus list! Thanks!!
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my 5 year old does the same thing on the stairs!
VBS is alot of work. I only help out with ours. I can only imagine what would be involved in coordinating it. You seem like you are fit for that sort of task. Maybe you should take an afternoon to regroup. Go get a facial or a massage. Then return refreshed.
Make a list of what needs to be accomplished. I love to make lists.
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I can so relate! I am so impatient for many things right now. I think sometimes when we are impatient God decides we need more work on our patience and gives us more to be patient about! I might be failing the test right now! LOL
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Oh, my.
This is my first trip over here. I will certainly be back. I read this post and thought… that is me.
We are just about to start homeschooling my 5 year old in September, and I am fearful that I won’t have it all together like all the other homeschooling mommies whose blogs I have read. (It’s like their one joy and fulfillment in life it to homeschool their kids…)
Anyway, thanks for some reality. As I said, I will definitely be back.
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You speak my language!!
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Mel, Mel, Mel! I have been feel so very nostalgic these last few weeks that when I see you are impatient (as I was and am…) I want to tell you to feel every moment…(as others told me to…but I didn’t, I was too impatient…)
My 2o year old just graduated from college and I long to sit her on my lap and read Dr. Suess’s ABC book – just once more. Instead, we move her things home from school and wait for her to start her life…impatient once again, for the next step, especially moving her out.
When my 19 yr old son comes home at 4 in the morning and we find beer in his trunk…I long to read to him the book that says, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be” – just once more. Instead, we must sell his car and wait for him to get his own life together…impatient again, for the next step.
When I find evidence of pot use with my 17 year old son…I long to sit with him and sing all of the hymns from the book, like he used to love to do. Instead, I must confiscate his driver’s license, issue him a public transportation bus pass, ask him to get a job and send him on a foreign summer-long missions trip… impatient again, for the next giant step in his life.
When my 16 year old daughter gets expelled from private boarding school for sexual activity….I long to have her as a baby (she was 9 at adoption) and re-enter good information into her hard drive. Instead, I send her to live with a relative who is at the bottom of the barrel herself…impatient again, to finish my responsibility with her.
When my 15 year old daughter comes home from public school with low grades, a low neckline and low-life friends…I long to have her as a baby (she was 7 at adoption) and re-enter good information into her hard drive, but know I have to work with what I have, but am quite impatient to get through this phase.
All I’m saying is that I understand your impatience and I don’t really think there is a vaccination for it… it just is.
…love you Mel. Keep writing the things that make me think and cry.
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