My Eye is On Fire!

Yesterday morning, Babygirl stood on the bathroom counter, chattering away, while I was blearily getting ready. After I shower, I follow the same routine each morning. First, put in contact lenses. Second, brush teeth. Third, put on deodorant. I don’t think. I just keep moving. (Usually because I am late.)

Yesterday morning, apparently Babygirl distracted me (I like to blame other people for my mistakes) and I grabbed the wrong bottle of contact lense solution, the one with bold yellow print that says, “DO NOT PLACE DIRECTLY IN EYE.” Then, I rinsed my lens with it and placed it directly in my eye, at which point my eye spontaneously combusted and I had to pry it open to remove the on-fire lens. Babygirl said, “What happened?”

I was holding my eye open with one hand and frantically splashing water onto it with the other. Babygirl repeated, “What happened?”

I know I said you could recognize me by the circles under my eyes and the Babygirl with a finger plugged into her nose, but as it turns out, you would have spotted me if you just looked for the woman wearing glasses over one flaming red eye.