I saw Terry Martin Hekker on Katie Couric’s show the other morning, talking about how her idyllic years of homemaking came to an abupt end when her husband of forty years divorced her.
Terry Martin Hekker, the author of this article which was published in the New York Times (you can get a trial membership if you want to read it–or email me and I’ll send you a copy of it,) wrote a different Op-Ed piece years ago for the NYT which later morphed into a book extolling the virtues of being a homemaker. And in her current piece, she doesn’t exactly say she regrets it–she said she’d marry the same man and have the same children, but that she’d go to school when her youngest did and earn a degree so she could earn a living. Because, you never know, after all. She says if she wrote another book, it would be titled, Diregard First Book.
She essentially says she wasted time working for community and charitable organizations when she ought to have been looking out for herself. (Really, if you haven’t clicked away yet, go ahead and read that article.)
Here’s what I wonder:
1) Should all women assume their marriages will end in divorce sooner or later? And if so, will that becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy?
2) If we, as women, refused to date, have relationships with and marry divorced men, would those men honor their vows? Or will this constant partner-switching continually worsen?
3) Did the so-called “Sexual Revolution,” (and the birth control pill) directly increase the divorce rate?
4) Does this woman’s story mean that homemaking in and of itself is a pointless waste of a life?
5) What kind of a
loser man leaves his wife of forty years in such a predicament? And what kind of sleazebag woman would marry him?
(Update: Almost instantly, I regretted my questions in number 5–and thought question number 3 was kind of out of place–but I will leave them so the comments make sense. It is clearly wrong of me to call people names, even names which are crossed out as a sort of lame joke. I have far too much personal experience with this topic to be rational and impartial and I realize my questions are over-generalizations and insulting to my readers who also have personal experiences–some more painful than my own, to be sure.
So, I apologize, but I leave this post as originally written–in haste, while babies were rolling around my floor and with particular people in mind. I have appreciated the responses so far and thank you, my diverse band of readers, for offering your perspectives. When I open my brain and dump out the contents, I ought to use a strainer to get the lumps out before hitting “Publish Post.”)