Radio silence

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Do you ever want to pick up the phone and dial a number but you are too big of a chicken?  And then you think maybe you’ll send off an email but you remember that your last email went unanswered?  So you consider sending a Facebook message but are you really that needy?  So you don’t do anything but wonder.

You wonder if you did something but if you ask, “Did I do something?” you will sound like you’re fourteen years old and clueless and silly.

You review the past weeks and months and can’t pinpoint a specific event or moment that things shifted between you.

You think perhaps you’re imagining things but how do you imagine silence after years of regular contact?

Then you take things personally.  How else to explain the inexplicable?

But before you embrace the pain of taking it personally, you remember that you have a tendency to take things personally when they are not personal at all.

So you think maybe you’ll pick up the phone and call but you are a big chicken.

Instead, you pull up the corners of your heart and tuck them in a little closer.  You lock the front door to your life and from now on, even fewer people will be granted admission because it’s just too much to have people traipsing through or rather, it’s too much when no one even knocks at the door anymore.

Published by Mel

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7 thoughts on “Radio silence”

  1. Get out of my head!
    LOL, only at least once a week. Some days, I actually *miss* being 14 so I had an excuse to feel this way. And I always had someone to call that would commiserate with me over whether I should call the other person.

    Then I snap back to reality and realize I didn’t look good in neon at 14, (did anybody?) so I’m quite glad I’m 40 now.

    :::hugs:::

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  2. This has happened to me in my younger years, but now I’m old (40) and blunt and just come out and talk to people about whatever crosses my mind. LOL I’ve stressed myself out over nothing, worrying about what MIGHT be going on instead of just finding out. If your friend is ticked at you over something then find out. If she doesn’t want to be your friend anymore – find out. If she’s having problems that have nothing to do with you – find out. What’s the worst that could happen? You find out she’s ticked and what’s nothing to do with you. At least you’ll find out why and try to resolve it (I assume). Be brave and call her. You’ll be glad that you did.

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  3. I’m so weird that I’m suspicious of anyone who seems to like me. Why would they? So, I always just assume it’s my fault. Most likely this is due to the fact that my mom is no longer around to tell me what a delightful person I am.
    Life is sooo much more complicated than I thought it would be at this stage.

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  5. Ahhh…. once again, you said it, sister!! Wow, have I BEEN there!! I think you’re awesome, and I HOPE you’d call me if I was the one who made you wonder. 🙂

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  7. i totally understand. Several months back, I asked a (former) good friend to talk to me, as I sensed things weren’t the way they had been for years. No response. So I wrote and asked again – telling the (former, I now guessed) friend to simply tell me what had gone wrong; why the relationship had soured; telling said “friend” I was a big girl and could take hearing the truth, but that I just needed to know when – what – and why – things took a turn. Nothing! Zip! Nadda! No response!

    So, I live in wonderment, but I live. I move on. Try is all a person can do. If you’ve done your best, give it up. Don’t dwell on it – it’s no longer your problem.

    And, I agree with what Amy wrote – “you are loved because you are awesome”! So there!

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