Shameless Self-Promotion

I wrote a post about the start of school (in a week! where has the summer gone?!) at the LargerFamilies.com site.  (Click over there for that one!

By the way, I was accused of “shameless self-promotion” not so long ago, but kind of made me laugh because, if anything, I’m terrible about tooting my own horn . . . which now makes me sound falsely humble.  Which reminds me of the song: 

Oh, Lord, it’s hard to be humble

When you’re perfect in every way

I just can’t wait to look in the mirror

I get better looking each day

To know me is to love me . . .

(Something, something, I can’t remember the words . . . oh well, never mind.)

A Book Review for Discerning Readers (the website, as well as the people)

Way back, a thousand loads of laundry ago, I agreed to review two books for Discerning Reader.  I don’t know what I was thinking, as I have approximately eight dozen too many things to do at any given time, but I did.  Book-greed overtook me and so, I offer this extremely tardy and apologetic review of two really terrific books.

C.H. Spurgeon on Spiritual Leadership and D. L. Moody on Spiritual Leadership were both penned by Steve Miller.  (The back of the book informs me that Steve “has worked in Christian publishing for twenty years as an editor and writer.”  He lives in Oregon with his wife. 

A letter that accompanied his books (provided to me free of charge, just so you know) says that his “goal in writing these books was to help ‘inspire by example’ through the lives and words of these two great leaders.  These books are not academic studies; rather, they let the words of these two men speak for themselves in regard to the character qualities God desires in a spiritual leader.”

I have to say, Steve accomplished that goal.  I read the first book while hanging out at a game arcade waiting while my son attended a birthday party.  (It was a long party.)  I felt that I had glimpsed into the life and heart of Spurgeon who was a well-known minister in the 1800s.  (“Everywhere he traveled, crowds of 10,000 to 20,000 would gather to hear him.”) 

Now, if you didn’t attend Bible College (as I did), you might be unfamiliar with Spurgeon.  But he is a legendary minister who organized and ran a college, an orphanage, an “Old Ladies Home” (no political correctedness in those days!), and more.  He wrote books that sold millions of copies, including seventy volumes of sermons.

Really, this kind of man makes me despair about my own feeble efforts to follow Christ, but this easy-to-read book offers insight into the key qualities that stood out in his life.  The book is intended to “encourage you and give you ideas you can put into practice as you fulfill your leadership responsibilities.”  Owning this book is kind of like having a portable mentor at your fingertips.

The second book, on the spiritual leadership of D.L. Moody, is equally inspiring.  Steve Miller did an admirable job of weaving together quotations and narrative to illustrate the leadership of this nineteenth century preacher.  (Moody also founded Moody Bible Institute.) 

Now, although I graduated from Bible College and sat through more than my fair share of theology classes (and even one semester of Greek), I tend to shy away from “spiritual” books.  I know.  I feel a great deal of guilt over this glaring shortcoming–after all, I’m a pastor’s wife!  I should love theology and its relatives!

I make that confession to say that I liked these books.  I really did.  I hope that one day soon, my boys will read them and be inspired by these men of God who devoted their lives to serving God by serving people. 

(And Steve Miller is an eminently readable writer.  I hope he has more of these books on spiritual leadership up his sleeve.) 

Untitled Due to Lack of Effort

The little things thrill me.  For instance, at our town-wide garage sale this weekend, I bought a new Olympus camera to replace the one I dropped while on vacation at the lake.  Five bucks.  I purchased a daybed with a beautiful wooden frame for my son, who requested a downsize from his queen-sized bed.  Twenty-five bucks.  When I ran into a friend, she asked me, “So, what are you looking for today?”  I said, “Bunkbeds, but I know I’ll never find them.” 

An hour later, my husband called me to tell me that Sandy had called with news of bunkbeds.  He relayed the bunkbed lady’s phone number to me.  I called, went and bought. . . and the lady actually loaded up the beds into her van and delivered it to my house!  One hundred bucks.  (And the set is gorgeous, solid oak.) 

Sunday, I assembled the top bed (it’s actually a loft bed and a free-standing bed that fits under the loft at a perpendicular angle, though we have arranged like a traditional bunkbed at the moment.)  I also put together the daybed and everyone’s delighted with their new sleeping quarters.

In other news, my almost-4-year old daughter has given up her naps, but instead, has a daily fit.  After her mid-day fit, she’s fine and dandy the rest of the day.  I, however, am frazzled.

How To Win the War Against Terror

Today’s task: Sort through last year’s school books, box up the non-consumables, discard the workbooks in the recycling bin, open up new boxes of materials, inventory and shelf them.

After I unpacked the new materials from K12.com, I realized that I was missing an entire box of materials. I’d noticed an uneven number of boxes when they arrived several weeks ago, but assumed that the missing box would show up sooner or later. Only, it didn’t.

So, after making sure my daughter was happily involved in a computer game at Nickjr.com, I telephoned K12.com to report the missing materials. (This is a paraphase of my actual conversation.)

Me: “Hi, I just unpacked my materials from K12 for this year, and I’m missing a whole box.”

Him: “How do you know?”

Me: “Um, because I have twin students and didn’t receive all the materials for the second twin. Plus, I have the packing list here and I am missing five subjects. A whole box.”

Him: “Let me check. I see we shipped five boxes.”

Me: “Yes.”

Daughter: “MAMA! MAMA!”

Me, hissing under breath, motioning to boys in the family room: “Go help your sister!”

Him: “Just a moment. Let me check.”

Daughter, shrieking: “NO! I WANT MOMMY!”

Me, holding phone against thigh: “PLEASE! HELP YOUR SISTER!”

Boys, staring at television: “She only wants you!”

Me, speaking into the phone: “Hello?”

Him: “Yes, I show we shipped five boxes. Did you receive five boxes?”

Me, ignoring screaming in the background: “Yes. But I should have six boxes.”

Him: “How do you know?”

Me, calm voice, now aware I’m dealing with an imbecile: “It’s like a math story problem. I have two students who should have three boxes each. Three plus three is six. I have five boxes. Six minus five is one. I’m missing a box. Plus, I. Don’t. Have. The. Materials. I’m looking at the packing list right now and I’m missing five subjects.”

Him: “How did you get a packing list?”

Me, now sweating, hissing under my breath at daughter who has appeared to cry up close and personal: “GO. AWAY!”

Me, aware of sweat on brow: “The packing list came with the history materials which were shipped separately because of the shape of the box.”

Him: “Do you have a tracking number?”

Me, glaring death-glare at red-eyed, weepy, gasping daughter: “Do I? I have a packing slip. Should it be on here?”

Him: “Um, let me check. Okay. Well. Do you want me to order the materials?”

Me: “Well. I need them. Do you need to reorder them? Or find the missing box?”

Him: “I’ll have to call UPS with a tracking number. I will reorder the materials.”

Me, still sending death-rays through the air at sobbing daughter: “Okay. Do you want the ISBN number?”

Him: “Yes.”

Me: “Number is XXXX.”

Him: “That’s back-ordered.”

Me: “Then how come I received the identical item already?” Pause. “Never-mind. Do you want the other numbers?”

Him: “Yes.”

Me: “Blah-blah-blah-blah.” Phone against hip again so I can yell at boys, “HELP ME OUT HERE!” Daughter still screams.

Him: “Okay. Those items are ordered.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Him: “Can I help you with anything else?”

Me: “Yes, please call 911 because I am going to JUMP OFF MY ROOF and then send me a nanny and a ticket to Tahiti because I AM RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME!” (Okay, I didn’t really say that part, but I could have!)

Why, please, tell me WHY small children have urgent needs ONLY after their parent has begun an important telephone call? Why do they not understand the universal sign for “I’M ON THE PHONE SO GET LOST!”? Why? And why do companies hire people with an IQ of a cardboard box to be customer service agents?

When I got off the phone, I restarted my daughter’s game (it had shut off after a 30-minute trial) and noticed my boys had disappeared. (Smart kids.) I jerked the thermostat down to a cool 70 degrees and then stomped around for awhile until my pulse returned to normal. I told my daughter that she can NOT talk to me while I’m on the phone. Her eyes were red-rimmed and she was contrite.

I hugged her then and felt terrible for my crescendoing fury. If the powers-that-be really want to defeat the terrorists, I suggest they use a preschooler who can break the terrorists down within fifteen minutes by merely screaming and whining and sobbing while they are trying to think and talk on the phone at the same time.

My Middle Name is Virtue

The problem with not being pregnant (I’m not) is that I don’t have an excuse to nap. More importantly, I lack that otherworldly nesting compulsion, the one that compels pregnant women to wash the baseboards and vacuum lampshades and take a toothbrush to the corners of their kitchen floors–if you normally do those things, shhh. I don’t want to know.

So, I’m not pregnant and that’s why my spices were unalphabetized and the Tupperware and Rubbermaid containers were jumbled in the cupboard. (I haven’t been pregnant in almost four years and boy, have things gone downhill around here.)

However, I do have incentive: a garage sale this Saturday. Not my garage sale, but a sale upon which I can foist my stuff and get it out of my house. Hooray.

I spent all afternoon crawling around on my kitchen floor, pulling pans and spices and cans of diced tomatoes from the cupboards. All told, I cleaned out eleven cupboards and discovered that I actually do own a large shallow pan, like a frying pan, only without a long handle. Who knew? I also found a packet of yeast from 2002 . . . which is the year my daughter was born.

See? Lack of nesting instincts since 2002.

Now my spices are alphabetized (at least until the kids get into them, which they will because they think adding curry powder to Ramen noodles is essential) and I can find all four of my muffin tins. I even found a place for my new (used) Pampered Chef rectangular stone dish (retail price, $32 . . . my price at Value Village? $6.99).

Nothing makes me feel quite as virtuous as cleaning out the kitchen cupboards, unless, of course, it’s ironing my husband’s shirts and pants with light starch, which I did tonight right before I exercised for the third consecutive day.

However. To balance out that virtue, I only have to walk into my kitchen where I can see the dirty dishes from dinner, still sitting on the counters. At least I’ll have something to do tomorrow. (Besides planning a two-week menu with a coordinating shopping list. I am desperately trying to get myself organized before school starts on August 31.)

Car and Cars

girls.jpgHere we are, posing for the photo booth camera.  People say we look alike.  Do you think so?  She is hair-challenged and has fine, blond, ringlets.  Although you can’t tell, her eyes are blue and mine are brown.  Her daddy likes to say that we share the same personality, and he usually says this while she is whining and demanding and driving us stark raving mad.

That husband of mine, what a joker!

So, our car died.  A couple of months ago, a mechanic charged us about a thousand dollars to fix the starter and a sensor.  The mechanic assured me at the time that it was worth it to fix this 1993 vehicle because it only had 90,000 miles on it and was an otherwise great car.  (Meaning, other than the fact that it didn’t run, it was a great car.  Whatever.) 

A few days ago, while my husband drove, smoke wafted from the engine.  (Justifying his caution–remember when he insisted that I rent a car on August 1 to drive to Portland?  I thought that was a crazy expense.  He was right.  Our car was unreliable.)  The mechanic called me yesterday to let me know that the radiator had a leak (thus, smoke) but that the bigger issue was the cracked head gasket.  I laughed, actually chuckled, because I knew a blown head gasket was bad having owned a Chevy Blazer with the same problem years ago. 

I said, “How much?”

He said, “Fifty-four hundred.”

I said, “Ha ha ha ha!”  If I were the cursing type, I would have let loose a string of profanity at that point.

So, our only car now is a 1995 Chevy van, a super-big one that looks like a disco-dance floor on wheels.  It’s great to haul the kids around, but for daily driving and errands and such? 

I don’t even want to talk about it.

School begins in two weeks or so.  August 31 this year–the first time we’ve ever started before Labor Day.  I have this list of things in my head that I want to accomplish before school starts–crazy stuff like making a two-week menu and matching shopping list, painting and redecorating my boys’ room, organizing the spices, cleaning out the storage room, scrapbooking all the photos since 2002, solving the Mid-East crisis and of course, giving myself a pedicure.

Oh, and I get to buy school supplies!  I am overly fond of school supplies and always buy too many crayons and bottles of glue.  My love for school supplies is irrational and passionate.

Lastly, I have a free children’s ticket to see the movie “Cars.”  It expires August 31.  If you’d like it, leave a comment.  I’ll pick the winner in a random drawing.  Deadline:  tomorrow night, about this time.  (You can log onto www.hollywoodmoviemoney.com to find a participating theater.  Promo code 31104.)

Sunday, Funday

I wish I had something coherent to say, but I just used up the last of my brain power writing about eating over on my other blog about my diet, The Amazing Shrinking Mom.  I also posted a few pictures, one taken this morning so you can see my new shorter hair.

Speaking of my new hair . . . the other day, my colorist was here to banish my roots with her magic highlights.  She kept remarking about my new short hair:  “That hair cut makes your face look so thin!”  I never bothered to mention that my weight loss of 36 pounds (so far) might have something to do with the appearance of my thinner face.  She really thought it was all because of my miracle haircut!

This afternoon, my husband was supposed to take the boys to a birthday party in Seattle.  (Tukwila, if you want to be picky.)  Then, alas, he remembered that a church leadership meeting was scheduled for tonight, so not only did I have to take the boys, I also had to bring my daughter.  (The party took place at one of those super-loud places where you buy tokens and play miniature golf and ride in go-karts and more!)

Everyone had fun (I will post a photo-booth strip of pictures tomorrow as proof!), but we were there from 5 p.m. until 9 p.m.!  Add travel time to that and you will understand why my brain is liquefied and why I have nothing to say here.  Don’t you just hate when the weekend vanishes before you get around to cleaning out the storage room?  Yeah, me, too.

Tie a Knot and Hang On

The sun shone from behind clouds on the horizon as we left the pool at 8:00 p.m.  On the way home, my 3-year old daughter reached her hand toward her 8-year old brother, causing him to rebuke her:  “Stop it!”

She retaliated with a whiny shout.

A 13-year old in the backseat yelled out, “Hey, knock it off!”

I said, from behind the steering wheel, “PLEASE EVERYONE!  STOP!  I’m at the end of my rope!”  (You would be, too, if your ears were full to the brim with whiny pouts and indignant yells and endless taunts.)

The 8-year old said:  “What rope?”

The 13-year old said, “Mom’s rope.”

The other 13-year old said, “Mom doesn’t have a rope.”

The 8-year old says, “Who has a rope?”

The 3-year old screams, “I DON’T HAVE A ROPE!”

The 13-year old says, “Not you.  We’re talking about Mommy’s rope.”

The 8-year old, “Oh.  Mommy has a rope?”

Me:  “Please!  Stop!  Talking!”

Home Improvement, But Without Ty Pennington

We’re in a frenzy of home improvement around here, so today at noon, I expected two visitors to my home:  an electrician-sort of guy and a painter.  They were each expected to give estimates for work we want to have done.

I spent two solid hours cleaning the teenagers’ room (aka the Boy Cave.)  Their room is a sort of communal space located just off the family room.  It was originally a garage, but the previous owners converted it into a room long ago.

The Boy Cave features twin beds, two dressers, a simple desk, an enormous entertainment center (home to a small television and a GameCube), a four-drawer metal filing cabinet, an elaborate desk with shelves and a computer, a two-drawer metal filing cabinet, a piano and an old-fashioned child-sized desk that I purchased at an antique store fifteen years ago.

The filth that accumulates in that semi-public, semi-private space is staggering and disgusting.  Every once in a while, I spend a breath-holding eternity in there, sweeping up dusty piles of debris and tossing sticky things into trash bags.  Today, they worked alongside me, complaining and dragging their feet and disappearing every ten minutes, hoping I wouldn’t notice.

When the electrician-sort of guy arrived, I ushered him into the Boy Cave and pushed the dresser away from the wall as I described the funky outlet which would only work when you stand on one foot, yodel and hold a pinkie to your right earlobe.  Or if you jiggled it just right.  Behind that dresser lurked a whole family of filth that I hadn’t even thought to exterminate.  Oh, the shame!

I pointed out the lighting fixture, or rather the absence of the lighting fixture–a bare, naked bulb has been hanging from the ceiling for about four years because I could not find the correct size glass globe to place over it into the brass-like thing.  (Thing being the technical term.)  Then I realized I could just buy a new light fixture for twelve bucks.  Duh.

Next, I directed him to the bathroom and motioned toward the dead light fixture.  The bathroom light has been out for about a year, I’d guess.  We were using a night-light to illuminate it.  (I have no shame in admitting that I am pathetic.)

He assured me he could easily fix these things (“That’s it?” he said) and away he went to gather tools and magic herbs, for all I know.

When he returned, I handed him the box with a new light fixture and he said, “Oh, I need to know where the breaker box is.” 

OH NO!  The breaker box is located in the storage room, an area you may know as the Bermuda Triangle and an area I refer to as “Don’t go in there!”

I opened the door, pushed aside the giant suitcase only recently tossed inside, shoved some shipping boxes to one side, moved two Easter baskets and the painting supplies to create a walkway, tossed a sandal into the air and said to the electrician-sort of guy, “Uh, do you have a room like this in your house?” and then, before he could inhale and compose an answer, I waved a free hand and said, “JUST SAY YES!” 

He said, ever the diplomat, “I think everyone does.”

(AND IF YOU DO NOT, PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME SO.  I’m a fragile flower.)

He installed two light fixtures, fixed a loose wire in the outlet and with a flourish said, “LET THERE BE LIGHT!”  (Okay, I made up that last part, but that is so what I would do if I were an electrician.)  Now we have light.  If I’d known how easy that would be, I would have done it a long time ago.

The painter arrived with less fanfare and did not mock my planned stripes.  (I told him if he’d just do the main walls and a primer coat, I’d stripe the walls myself–it will be easy because I’m painting over painted paneling.)

Oh, and here’s my tip for the day. 

We needed to replace a thirty-year old broken sliding glass door.  My husband went to Lowe’s to price doors.  He picked one out and arranged for them to come out and give us an estimate.

At the appointed hour, a guy came on behalf of Lowe’s.  The guy was from BC Windows.  He measured the door and on his way out, out of the goodness in his heart, fixed my front door (which had a weird piece of metal sticking up).  He said Lowe’s would call me with the estimate.

A week or so later, Lowe’s called.  The quote was something like $1700 for one plain patio door, which, frankly, seemed unreasonable considering the door itself only cost $300 or so.

We decided to get another estimate, so my husband called a company recommended by a friend.  After we made the appointment with company, I realized the name sounded familiar.  The company?  BC Windows.  So, I called and asked if they worked with Lowe’s (yes, they did) and told them they already had the measurements because they’d been out already on behalf of Lowe’s.

Soon, they called with the estimate.  They quoted me $800, which was less than half of the quote I’d received from Lowe’s.

So, if we’d hired Lowe’s, the guys from BC Windows would have installed the door.  It would have cost us $1700.

Instead, we hired BC Windows to install the door.  It cost us $800.

The moral of this story?  Always get more than one estimate.  And  hire the subcontractor directly.  (They came Monday morning and less than forty-five minutes later, I had a new patio door.)

And that concludes today’s public service announcement.

You’re welcome.