What Was I Going To Say Again?

I sit, pondering, longer than usual. My brain turns over and over, like those chickens you see at Costco grilling behind the meat counter. And yet, nothing.

Earlier tonight, while steering my old car down dark streets, I happened upon two topics to discuss. I can’t remember the first one and I don’t want to describe the second one tonight. Which leaves me only with a recitation of the day’s events.

Have I mentioned recently how much I loathe dark mornings? I hate taking a shower. I hate brushing my teeth. I hate drying my hair. And I especially hate talking to anyone. And so, as a joke, God gave me a very talkative daughter who wakes up suddenly and with great cheer. She sits on the toilet while I shower and asks me to get her a cookie. She opens the shower door to let in a cold gust before I’m dry. She climbs on the counter to brush her teeth while I blink at my reflection.

I do not enjoy this start to my day. This morning, however, I readied myself alone because I had to be presentable by 7:15 a.m. Which I understand is not that early in the scheme of things, but still.

We’re concentrating on history lessons this week, so the boys and I sat at the kitchen table while I read the history textbook out loud. Intermittent whines, screeches, hollers and plaintive cries for help upstairs interrupted our study. Have I complained lately how stressful it is to coordinate schooling-at-home with the ravings of a three-year old and the needs of a baby or two? At one point, I rendered a dramatic reading of the Declaration of Independence, which was nothing more than a veiled attempt to outshout “Blue’s Clues.”

I learned something, too. And not just about the Battles of Bunker Hill and Breed’s Hill. No. I learned something far more important.

Laundry does not wash itself, even if you are preoccupied with the laundry generators. That hardly seems right to me.

So. We finished history. Fed the little kids. Rocked the baby to sleep. Put the little kids down for naps. Read the newspaper. Welcomed home the second-grader. Agreed to let his friend come over for the afternoon. Created a last minute dinner (frozen ravioli, frozen homemade spaghetti sauce and frozen corn . . . see? I have a frozen theme). My husband, God bless him, called to inquire about my day and I said, “I am so tired of this. And the rain.”

And he said, “At least you have tomorrow off.” And I said, “Oh, yes, at home with my four kids, that is a Day Off!” with perhaps less enthusiasm than is right. And so, a few minutes later, he called again and asked if I’d like to run his errands in exchange for leaving the house for the evening.

Of course I would! And that’s how I ended up browsing for cards at Barnes & Noble, viewing “Capote,” in the movie theater, shopping at Target, and buying three dozen Krispie Kreme donuts. (Two dozen for his workshop tomorrow. One dozen to appease the children in the morning. Okay. Who am I kidding? Half a dozen for the children, half a dozen for me because I need those calories to get through the day, tight jeans notwithstanding!)

“Capote” was a remarkably well-done film. I immediately purchased In Cold Blood, Truman Capote’s last book. Now I have two thousand and ONE books to read before I die.

Here I am now, home again, home again, jiggety-jog. Tomorrow, a wind storm is predicted to bring us gusts of 60 miles per hour. I am looking forward to that, oddly enough. The wind is already flinging raindrops at the window with an admirable show of force.

The end.

I Need Therapy. Or Sunshine.

It’s a minute until 11 p.m., my self-imposed bedtime, yet I haven’t blogged. I spent my morning reading the boys’ history book to them, quizzing them, discussing U.S. history with them, waiting for them to find a sharpened pencil and to stop grabbing at each other. I learned more than I did in high school, and not just about history.

And so, I didn’t get as much laundry done as I should have. And my formerly clean kitchen is a disaster.

Tonight, I’m feeling jealous of the most famous Mommy Blogger of all, which is undeniably the stupidest feeling I’ve had this week. I want someone to give me a plane ticket and sit me at a table and think what I have to say about blogging and motherhood is worthwhile. I also want to fit into her pants.

As I said, stupid emotion. I can’t even believe I’m confessing.

What else? Well, today, our main television died with a click and the smell of smoke. The picture had been flickering and fading in recent days, so I was not surprised, but my 3-year old daughter was sorrowful and said, “Mommy, I’m sorry I broke the t.v.” I went right out tonight and bought a new one at Target. To my great mirth, a teen aged boy was sent to fetch my 27-inch television and load it into my car. I could have beat him arm-wrestling and I certainly outweigh him. And my skin is clearer. But still.

He and his cohort finagled that television out of its gigantic box and into my front seat. I probably should have given him a tip. (Tip: Never mix bleach and ammonia.)

Tomorrow’s Friday, which should bring waves of joy to my heart. And yet. Saturday my husband will be attending a daylong workshop. Woe is me. I thought about taking the children somewhere on Saturday, but honestly, the boys would be annoyed if I interfered with their Saturday morning cartoons and my daughter’s nap time is at 1:30 p.m. Kids! How can we have fun if they are so inflexible!?

My desk looks like an office store exploded.

Could I possibly be any more inspiring and fun?

Now, go read someone with 40,000 readers a day.

At Least My Kitchen’s Clean

I tend to be moody, morose, melodramatic. No, really. And I used to nourish that part of me, that glass-half-empty, woe-is-me, gloom-despair-and-agony-on-me personality. Your dad is sick? Mine died. Your pants are tight? Mine won’t zip. Your hair is frizzy? Uh, did you see what is rooted to my head?

That sad fog creeps in tonight, blotting out the horizon and erasing the forest, but not the trees. All I know is that my Reluctant Student has issues with sequencing, with memory, with his multiplication tables. I’m in the lull between reading books. January 2006 was the rainiest January ever here. My right pointer finger hurts. I’m retaining water and I have a cavity but no dental insurance.

See how good I am at that? I wandered through my entire adolescence in a melancholy mood. I can mope with the best of them. I know that once I start, I could end up drowning in my own bad press.

At least now I know it’s just a mood, not a fact. The rain will stop. The fog will lift. A forest lurks behind the trees.